I Hide Behind "ok."

I'm not a generally happy person. I've had my share of problems, but I try not to let people see when I'm hurting. If someone asks me how I'm feeling, I say I'm ok. I don't like pity, I don't like people feeling like they have to cheer me up. When I'm down, I just want to be left alone. Not really alone, just...not talking. When I'm really down, there's nothing I like better than to cuddle up to someone and just have them hold me. They don't even need to say anything, just hug me and hold me and let me cry.

I don't let on that I'm feeling sad or angry, especially over the internet. I lie and say I'm having a great day. This also really applies to the relationship I just ended. Well...she ended. She was straight, but was exploring because she'd never felt that way about a girl before, and I was that girl. We were both crazy about each other. Unfortunately, it passed for her, and...well...we're no longer a couple, and most likely, none of her family or friends will ever know she even liked a girl. I was, and am still, crazy about her, but the only way for me to still be around her is if I can accept that we will never again be more than just friends. So, with her, too, I have to bury my true feelings now.

I know I've led a number of you to believe that me and her were a perfect, happy couple. In a lot of ways, we were. But we both knew it was just a matter of time for her to "come to her senses" and go back to being straight. I only talked to a couple people about what I was really thinking about our relationship. To everyone else, we were like to lovebirds...perfect for each other, or so I tried to make them think. I know, I shouldn't do that, but...I hate the pitying looks when I say that my gf and I aren't working out, or something like that. I just want people to leave me alone when I'm down, and not try to make me talk about my problems. I can deal with them in my own way. Just give me a hug and I'll be fine.