On the outside I'm a 23 year old college
grad. I am good looking, have a great job and am considered the "lucky" guy by all of my friends and the life of the party. I have a great family, and everyone I meet says, "I can't believe your single". The truth is, my girlfriend broke up with me about 6 months ago and I have been severly depressed ever since. I show myself as a happy go lucky guy and don't ever let anyone in. But really what I want to do is go home, cry, drink, and fall asleep; forgetting about everything. I recently have been drinking excessively (a half gallon every 2-3 days). The problem is, even if I drink myself to sleep, every time I wake up for 1 second, my mind starts going every which way and I can never go back to sleep. (i'm averaging 3-4 hours a night). I want to go out and meet new people, but at the same time, I just want to curl up in a ball. The main reason I don't let anyone in, is I don't want them to feel sorry for me (which I know is my issue to deal with). Recently I have been watching a lot of suicide shows and constantly think about it (don't worry, I would NEVER do it). I just hate how I feel like I'm always wearing a mask, pretending, and can never express how I feel to anyone. Thats why I'm writing this. I need some advice on how to get by this. I know i am blessed to have what I have, but why do I feel like I'm so alone and no one loves me... I know their must be someone out their like me.