I Need Help, I Spend Money To Feel Better.

I have a really bad addiction , it seems to branch off of feeling like shity in real life. In real life I'm 21 and I'm amounting to nothing I can't figure out what I wan't and so I don't want to go to college and waste money. The funny thing is I say this about a lot of things I can not buy that (or this) I need to save. Then later on i'll think Oh since Ididn't buy this or that I can spend it on Wurm! or w.e game I'm playing.

I feel so unimportant so small so disgusted with myself my body my life.. I moved from Canada a year ago to the United "States" yay.. to marry my wife, one of the best things that has ever happend to me. My dad had a heart attack the day of our wedding my closest cuzing only 47 died of one a month after. My grandma died before I left. My wife was gone a week at a time and I got into a very bad depression.. A Year later present I am taking Lexapro and still I feel like **** once in a while...

I guess I should get back to the topic, when I feel like **** to make myself feel better I end up spending rediculas amounts of money on games to buy things that would well, make me feel more important.. Speed things up whaterver... I always tend to want to dream go beyond my boundaries but then quit after a while..

This month alone i've probably spent about 200$ on gaming.. I haven't told my wife thank god we are ok on money and well off...  I feel extremely guilty but I'm afraid of the consequences..

Once in a while I try to do things to get myself away from games for good but it just backfires, Like recently I bought a dinet set to refurbish and put in my house.. Got through most of it but still the two chairs out of four are sitting in my garrage..

I get absorbed into games when I start them... what can I do? without games I get really anxious depressed lost... helpless confused... just utterly tottally lost...

All my life I've used computer games to cope with my feelings and issues, by ignoring them.. by supplementing my faults with pixels.. wtf ? Man I just... don't know where to go... what to do.. I feel like I have no control..

My biggest fear in life is dieng! just dieng... since I moved to the U.S I have been really anxious about my heart and haveing heart attacks my mother tells me im 21 not to worry about it...doctor too.. I've went from 180 to 225lbs since I lived here.. stress is really putting pounds on me that and siting around on the computer all day..

Chances are this is confusing cause my mind is always going 1000miles a minute and every which way and direction... when I start feeling depressed I just think of everything that upsets me.. I probably shouldnt do that..Life sucks.. well mine anyways...  maybe one of you guys can understand what I wrote and reply.. if you don't I understand..
Tasoner Tasoner
18-21, M
1 Response Jul 16, 2010

we all are going to die one day ,no one will ive forever , so it is our goal to make it a happy beautiful life , to be a computer gamer and spend your money on games is not a good idea especially when you have a wife and family to take care of , but you have to think to make money out of the games , have you thought to work for a computer games company ? . also let your wife pla games with you she will find it intersting and you are going to spend some very good times having such a play-mate.<br />
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all the luck in your life.