Please Don't Give Up!!!

In 1979, I was 16 years old.  That year started a lifetime of torment for myself, my family and many friends.  My 13 year old brother took his life.  He was being bullied in school as we were all the new kids on the block.  Unfortunately, we didn't know he was being bullied or was depressed until years later after he took his life.  The long lasting torment of his death has haunted all of us day after day after day.  I have since worked as  Hospice Worker and seen many people pass.  There is no death as bad as a suicide. 

I know that life can be very hard sometimes.  I have had many ups and downs and at times feel very worthless.  I make many mistakes and seems to make the same mistakes over and over again.  I get very depressed about it.  However, I know that a death by suicide is truly the worst thing you could ever do to your family, friends and acquaintances.  I am not afraid of death at all as I have seen things at Hospice that no non Hospice people ever get to see.  But, I know a death by suicide is torture for your loved ones.  I still freak out and start shaking when I hear sirens. I am a total basketcase when it comes to my own kids and constantly scared of everything they do.  My brothers tragic death left me this way.  My poor mom who is a very good person does not have one day without pain.  She didnt deserve that pain. 

So, please to all of you out there considering it.  Think about your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, others.  Suicide affects everybody and not in a good way at all.  Don't think that people will get over it when you die.  THEY WON'T !!! 

There are other options.  The biggest healer I have ever found is to get my mind off myself and my problems and to help others.  When I became a Hospice worker a few years ago, that was the most therapeutic job I ever had.  I could nto feel sorry for myself, when I was working with these patients and families.  I also work with people with disabilities and that is also very healing.  When you see people who have bigger needs than yourself, it really makes you appreciate what you have.  So, folks, please hang in there and do not ever consider taking your life.  I beg you.  Thanks for listening.
pleasedontgiveup pleasedontgiveup
46-50, F
3 Responses Jul 22, 2010

Thank you for your post. I completely agree. My husband committed suicide when our son was 12 and it sent my little boy on a wild and dangerous ride. Despite counseling, and as much love as I could shower him with, nothing mattered... he felt his Dad threw him away when he took his life...that he wasn't important enough for his father to live for. Eventually my son turned to drugs and got in trouble. He is 19 now and I am beginning to see a tiny light flickering in him. I think he is going to be ok but I hate his father for the hell he put my son through.

masterminity, thanks for your response. I appreciate it. I am so sorry about your experiences of the past.. I agree completely with what you said and have been working as a Hospice worker for the past several years which has been very healing to me. I actually have saved at least 2 people from suicide (one was a friend) and she does say that I saved her life. One was a person thru Hospice. I will look up bullyonline.org and I appreciate that.

If your brother were alive now he would not want you to have this pain. I did a counselling qualification in 1997 and as part of the process I had to exorcise my own demons this concerned sexual and physical abuse as a 9 year old.. The lady I was teamed up with told me a story when she was a 23 year old . She had an older brother who was 34 and a younger brother who was 19. When her brother was 33 he was diagnosed with a brain tumour and he died 5 months after his 34th birthday. . Her younger brother commited suicide 6 months later. She had mixed emotions grief for her brother who so much wanted to live and anger towards her younger brother who had so much to live for. It took her a long time before she was able to come to terms with this and grieve for him to. Following qualification she went to work for the samaritans and was able to use this experience to help others AND INDEED HAS SAVED A NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO WERE SUICIDAL TO RECONSIDER. I HOPE YOU CAN HELP OTHERS SO THAT YOUR BROTHER DID NOT DIE IN VAIN. Look up bullyonline.org it will help you to move on from where you are now but of course you will never forget your dear brother why would you /how could you