Tranny Sweet 16

I've been depressed/extremely anxious on and off since I was around 4 or 5. I used to think there were monsters everywhere, every time I was alone I'd be terrified that they were right behind me. When I was 5 I started hitting my legs over and over because I couldn't stand the feeling of being too relaxed (I was afraid I'd drift apart if I wasn't tense), and so whenever I was alone I'd start hitting my thighs until they bruised. Sometimes I'd feel like crying as well, and I never understood why.

When I moved to Florida at the age of 8 I felt a lot better, and I stopped wearing girly clothing (not that I wore much girly stuff anyways), and started hanging out with mostly guys.

When I was 10 my parents split up, until then I'd been homeschooled and very sheltered all my life, and this came as a complete shock, I thought that nothing like this could ever happen to my family, seeing as how we were so much more "progressive" (at least that's how I saw us) than most families whose children went to public schools were.

After this, however; I started getting depressed again, and I was sent to a private school. I didn't make any friends for the first 2 years I was there, and I began to self injure again (this time cutting and burning as well as starving myself), and my parents began to send me to therapy and I was put on anti-depressants. But I met a girl who I fell in love with, which made me think I was gay for a while, and maybe that's what was wrong. That is, until I realized that when I liked girls, I felt more straight, and when I liked guys more gay.

Instead of going to a private high school I started public school. I believe I stopped therapy the summer before starting high school. After dating a guy for 6 months in my freshman year and self injuring on and off (as my parents had found out I self injured), I realized that I am transgender and I'm much more comfortable as a guy (hence the tranny title). I was also taken off anti-depressants about half way through my sophmore year, and I realized how much I needed them, but I'm rather too shy to tell my parents how much I want them back, and how much better they made me feel.

I still don't have many friends, and no close ones, and I'm still depressed and I still self injure, though not nearly so much, but I do feel better knowing what's wrong, and knowing what I need to do.
necromanticboy necromanticboy
18-21, T
3 Responses Aug 2, 2010

Yeah, I need to deal with my feelings so I am probably better off, I just miss being more outgoing haha. <br />
Thanks a lot for the comment :)

I know that need, for the anti-depressants. You're better off without them, while you're transitioning towards being a boy. All those feelings need to be felt, just because its so real. I'm learning more and more that the hardest things need to be felt for me to ever feel happy again. I hate it, but it's life. It's meant to be lived, and enjoying it is just a luxury. I wish you luck on everything! <br />
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P.S. I always hated my private school, hence why I switched to public. Everyone tried so hard to be someone, and not themselves.

That isn't a great phrasing, but I basically mean that I know that I'm a boy and that transitioning towards living as a boy is the best thing for me to do. I know what's been bothering me so much, and now I can do something about it.