Stressful Day

It's funny how people say suicide isn't something to be taken lightly. And when someone tells others of their suicidal thoughts, everyone else is willing to bend over backwards to help. But when suicides wandering through my mind for years and even when I let it be known to people, no one gives a ****. No one even tries to give a ****. The only response I get is people tormenting me for even thinking about it, as if they are doubting whether I will actually do it. It's not like I want to waste this on elife I've been given. But it just feels like it's being wasted anyway. It makes more sense to end it for me so my soul can be reborn in another.

Sometimes, I want to say **** it and instead use this life to have unlimited fun and forget about trying to pursue my dreams or live to everyone else's expectation. Except, I know if I did throw everything away to live cheap and free, I would eventually not want to anymore and I'd be ******. The only way I can see that happening is if I knew I was going to die.

Life is bullshit. ******* ridiculous how I'm thinking about whether or not I want one. 
CourtGatekeeper CourtGatekeeper
18-21, F
4 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Thank you guys. I read this quote online that inspired me and it may inspire others..<br />
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"The search for happiness is the single greatest cause of misery."<br />
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Which is saying, if you keep trying to achieve better, you will never find happiness because nothing will ever be enough. Everyone already possesses everything they need to be happy, and if only you accept what you have already then you will achieve happiness.

life is what u make it.dont live your life 4 every1 else. u r special and it is worth living.u dnt want 2 end up wandering this earth in darkness do u.....

Life is bullshit, totally agree with you there. I like your idea, considering to throw away all cares and responsibilities and live life on pure whim and desire. Then again, those do sound like the actions of a dying person. Then again, we're all dying. It's a tough call. I feel like I do care too much, like my responsibilities stop me from getting carried away with those kinds of thoughts. More like fantasies at this point. Imagine the power you would attain if you KNEW you were going to die. But since I know I'm supposed to live a long and healthy life, I'm made to suffer instead. Depression sucks. Good luck, and thanks for the post, I liked reading it =)

life is what u make it.dont live your life 4 every1 else. u r special and it is worth living.u dnt want 2 end up wandering this earth in darkness do u.....