If You Only Knew

Ever since I was young I've been depressed , I have child hood memories of my wanting to know what it be like to jump of a belcany and I remember me trying to and my mom would ask me what I was doing , or I remember sneaking into the kitchen when I was 7 and taking the cheff knife and holding it to my stomach and wanting to stab myself

When I was 9 I wasent the cutest I was learning how to pick out my own clothes and do my hair and I would get bullied at school cus my hair was ugly and I was chubby and all this stuff and I remember once in grade 5 i scratched up my arms untill it bleed and i had to wear longsleves for 2 weeks untill they heeled
I remember being in grade 7 and wishing i was dead because i was so stressed out and little did i know i was going throught depression
Then i meet my friend Karla she was a cutter and soon i started to cut to cus i wanted attention and we would have these dangerous unspoken competitions and i asked her where she got it from and she said t.v
Soon it was grade 9 and me and Karla wernt talking we ended up fighting for 3 months and those 3 months were hell you see Karla was my go to person to realive stress and vise versa but since we wernt talking we were taking everything out on our self
I was so stressed out i lost 20 pounds from starving my self my hair was falling out i was drinking every day i had empty rum bottles in my locker and they way i was cutting makes my stomach turn , there were old scars new ones that were raised i was cutting my hips my arms i cut once on my neck and the worst part is i had no one to talk to because im not close with my family we do not get a long we litterally fight with each other everyday soon my mom found out and she sent me to the hospital i was in the phyco ward i was so mad at get i didn't talk her soon they digsnossed me with major depression i was realeased with in the next day because i lied to them on most of the questions that they asked me , and i don't reccomend you go that , but. Now me and Karla are friend's i still cut but not lately
But sometimes i wonder what life would be like if Karla never seen someone cutting them self's on t.v
saveyourscissors saveyourscissors
18-21, F
May 6, 2012