I Am So Alone.....

People around me, friends, family, co-workers, seem to think that I am doing pretty well for myself. I have my own house, my own cars, a good job, no kids or any bad habits. But, in reality, I am becoming more and more depressed. All my friends got married so we donot hangout like we use to. It seems that all I do is work, and come home, play xbox for awhile, surf the web, maybe watch a movie on DVD or TV, then do it all over again the next day. ----- Sometimes I miss when I was younger, around 21 - 26, because I had SO MUCH FUN it's hard to believe. Friends were always available, I always had a place to go, something to do. ----- It's funny, but even though I know I am lucky to be where I am and have the things I have, I am still so alone. I guess being single is part of the peoblem. I haven't dated anyone seriously in about 3 years since my last really serious relationship. I use to enjoy being at home alone, not answering to anyone, but now I think sometimes I may be getting deeper and deeper into emotional distress. Friends don't call like they use too. The ones I would like to hangout with either moved or we lost touch. I cut the bad people out of my life, but sometimes I would like to hangout with anyone rather than no one. ----- I LOVE downtown, the museums, movies, resturants, and everything Chicago has to offer, but I cannot bring myself to do any of that alone. That in itself is very lonely to me. I would even love to go to a live concert as I LOVE music, but again, I can't imagine the thought of doing that alone. ----- I am happy I got my music. Without music, I would have probaly thought of a way to just end it all. But I know I wouldn't go through with it. I couldn't bear knowing what my family would go through. ----- I sometimes feel like the last man on earth and that I am truely all alone. Maybe it's my own fault. And, since my father has passed away 2 years ago, it has all been downhill. As much as I miss him, I have not had anyone to talk to about it, and that kills me too. Makes me feel like crap when I think of the last time I saw him. My only saving grace is that he said he was proud of me before he died, so I try to live my life to kept him proud of me. ----- I am thankful for my neices and nephew. I try to teach them things since they lost their father at such a young age and there mother, my sister, is Missing In Action, due to drugs and other problems and they haven't seen her in over a year. She could be out there or she could not. It hurts me knowing that, at a young age, they have to go through that. That's why I try my best to do for them like as if they were my own. To know that they are thankfully for the things I do gives me a purpose to be here. ----- But, I must confess, I am truely alone and again, maybe that's my own fault. Not having anyone to talk to about your problems cannot be good. ----- I wish I could find a nice lady to do what couples do, like dating and hanging out, but right now it doesn't look good. People say I am a good catch so maybe it's something I am not doing? ----- I often wish I never bought my own house and that I still lived with my family. I LOVE my home, but it is empty and for that reason, I think I should probably seek help, atleast someone to talk too. ofcourse, I know I won't and yet I know I should. ----- I just wish I could meet someone, have fun, start a relationship and eventually fall in love. ----- But, then again, I guess that is what we all are looking for. Just too bad I don't have the balls to actually get out there and do it. ----- Also, to my sister, we miss you and love oyu very much. PLEASE come home so we can all be a family again. Your kinds and your family miss you. ----- --PS, sorry for the long post. Also, I know I posted this in Confessions, but found it might be more suited for here.
ChicagoBlues ChicagoBlues
36-40, M
12 Responses Apr 8, 2007

My boss decided to destroy me, he succeeded. I do know if I can survive the night. I made stupid innocent mistakes with no ill intent and I won'e be able to explain, I am so tired and isolated and my poor wife does know it as she is dealing with another tragedy in progress 8000 miles away!!!!! Oh god help me.

I love you, <br />
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Remember, I'm pulling for you (and me), we're all in this together :)

I am in the same place, also and wonder how this happened. I am a decent, loving and giving person but after various circumstances I am now all alone.

You pretty much just told 1/2 of my life story, I haven't been able to sleep all night and after all the things I looked up tonight, all my bad habits, 'stalking' this dude over the Internet that for some reason I cant subconciously get over, I also have pica disorder (appetite for weird things) and I haven't been eating what I usually do (I don't wanna say it I'm not that ballsy) I finally broke down and typed "why am I so alone". Plus my dad passed away too, January 08', and you're story pretty much touched me. The only difference is that I'm way younger than you, I'm a freshman in college and I don't talk to many people, yeah sure I know everyones name, but I barely talk to any of them. Idk sometimes I think to myself, 'I thought college was supposed to be fun', I mean for me personally it's better than high school but still. My friends sometimes go out with other friends and then I have nobody to talk to so I sit in my dorm and watch tv and o swear I just get...so, so lonely and I think about (sometimes), this particular group of girls who live downstairs in the dorm where I used to live (cuz I live upstairs now) they're this tight knit group they're all 'girly' and happy, and it just seems like life is so much better for them, they smile and laugh more, so much positive energy comes from them. It seems like they're in another world that I'm not allowed into because I am who I am. They're happy sober kids, and Im just this weird black chick who smokes and drinks, then I have the pica disorder, I used to cut myself (when I was about 12 or so), I tried to "find happiness", that didnt really work. Idk, its been really getting to me that I feel so alone. Well, as I keep typing my 'life story' here, I'm starting to feel better, I even laughed a little in my head at this video I was cracking up at today. If you want a good laugh look up japenese spongebob mcdonalds commercial. These kids like freak out over a spongebob toy, it's hilarious lol. Thank you for sharing your story it really made me feel<br />
Better :).

Hey I'm a 28 year old male and in the exact same situation as you. I broke up with my last girlfriend 2 years ago and feel completely lost. My friends have moved on and I don't have a social circle anymore. I feel that meeting new people gets a lot harder as you get older. However, I have learned that it is important to constantly try and open up new social avenues. Even if you are in a serious relationship because you never know what's around the corner. Relationships are fickle and can end suddenly without warning. I love music too and play bass guitar. I'm currently working towards joining a band as this will keep me get involved and be in touch with people who share the same interests as me. Doing things like this will help build and maintain new social avenues for now and the future.

Know this, guy it is so very hard for a woman to find a man like you. One that really wants to find a woman to treat right and get serious with. There are more ladies looking for you that are good than there are good men for them to find. Find a lonely lady, she will be like you and serious. Get one on the dating sites. Try Plenty of Fish, it's free.

There is no rule bool stating that we all will find the loveof our lives. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years over her father who did not except me (even though he had never met or even spoke to me over the phone) She is indian and I am white. Her father wanted a traditional arranged marriage and I didn't fit the bill as I would have braought shame to the family. But there is real love. I know. I had it for 3 years. It is still in my heart. I love her still and she has gone to keep her family happy. Maybe we are suppose to love only for a brief period or time. Maby the absence of someone is the true meaning of existence. It makes us cherrish every moment and relive every memory of when we had the greatest gift of all: companionship and someone to talk to...

Sorry to hear about the rough times you are going through man. I am on the same boat as you I don't hang out with the old friends anymore when I was around 16 17 I had tons of friends but I am 24 now and things are different. I feel alone like you been single for 5 years and don't have anybody. Its good that you have a job going for you and a house on the positive side of things.

I also feels the same. I am so so alone. I have everything in life, what others look for. Nice job, nice family. But I feel myself so so lonely for which I am not happy about. I use to be very much naughty fellow, I use to imititate ppl, make my friends laugh. I had my own existance in group. But now since my two close friend had been married and they including me are busy with there work, we contact quite often. I don't know exactly how I've become so boaring and unwanted person. Sometime I do think whatever happned in past and try to relate the things which truned up my life (I mean my image). From adorable guy to depressive/boaring. I sometime thank God that he granted me with some job to do and specially music. I cannot imagine myself, without them as of now. I think this is the one of the thing who helped me to survie in this Insane lonelyness.<br />
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I am not that foolish, who don't know what I want from life and what makes it call a successful man. I know it and I try to achieve it. But sometime this depressivness, doesn't helps me keep ticking. If something doesn't fall in the way I wanted to be, I feels myself lagging behind. And to share all this I have no one. Actually, I had a GF; but she is not available when I need her. But whenever I am with her, I feel so complete and happy. But if someday she dosen't have time for me, I again become so loney and single that I even couldn't stop myself thinking all old bad days and ways to survive alone. That is all so depressing that I have nothing but to think anf think so much. Which also sometime leads to fight between me and my GF abt her not giving proper time to me.<br />
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I don't want to bother anyone and I don't now not have much asking from life. I even myself just wanted to be alone. Because I am so much remained in this darkness of lonelyness that I feel comfortable in this death peace. I hate liers and over smart people. I hate peerson who wants to become more clever then me. So I also dosen't make good friends because no one wants in that way. I want a world with good ppl around who respect each and every individual. But this is something what I wanted, this is not something which is like !!<br />
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I don't know how am I going to recover from this insane death peace. But I wish I could and this time it should not be for shorter duration, it needs to be for forever. I think if I will gert married it should help me much to keep everything fine. I wish everything should happens good with everyone. I don't wanted to be alone anymore I don't want to be single anymore !!

This has all happened for a purpose. And it sounds like you know what it is. Bring your sister's children closer to you. As your support will help them, they will fulfill you.

Think positive and everything shall be the way you dream of.<br />
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Atleast you saw your dad before he passed away ı was in another country when my mother died and she said to me she was scared that she wasnt going to see me again-i took the filght home to see her but i never made it. She knew i was coming, but i guess she couldnt hold on...So i never had time to tell her how much i loved her-atleast you did.<br />
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As for your house i think you done really well that you have got your own home you will need it for the perfect family that you are gonna have in the future, so stop being bitter with life and send out positive vibes so you can attract your soul mate.İn the mean time try to enjoy life with the people you know and remember you are not alone....(İ know that feeling well)

ChicagoBlues, I am in the same situation as you, lonely as h-ll and not sure how to change things. I also live here in Chicago, and it is not easy to connect with people here. It seems everyone else is hooked up already, their lives are so perfect, and there is no room to meet anyone just to hang out and do things with. I would suggest that we meet and see if we have anything in common besides feeling like s--t about our lives, but for various reasons I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me. Just know that you are not alone in being alone, there are other people here in the city who are struggling, and maybe us lonely folks can find some way to reach each other and learn how to feel like a person again.