I Saw Two Butterflies

I have been struggling with how to define my depression. But today when I was in the backyard I saw a scene which made me realize exactly how I felt.

I was sitting in my backyard just spacing out trying to desperately soak in the sun to get some light in my life. Right when I sat down, I saw two butterflies fluttering towards me. They flew near me and I reached out my hand to try to touch them, but when they brushed my hand I didn't feel a thing. It almost felt that they existed in a completely different world than I did. It felt like I was just observing an active world, but I was passive bound to stay in this state of melancholy.

It almost felt like I was using a filter on an iphone app. A bright, flashy, beautiful filter that makes for an amazing picture, but try as I might I could never recreate that beauty in real life. It was as if the picture and the thing I had taken a picture of were completely separate.

I know now that this is what depresses me the most. The separateness I feel between the "real world" and the state of depression I exist in. It seems like the world is so beautiful and so happy, but even though I try hard to find it in my life I can't.
darkdarkheart darkdarkheart
18-21
Sep 16, 2012