I Am Depressed

I know I am depressed, it has taken me over a year to get medication for it. The constant low moods and then getting really angry. It kills me. Although not suicidal yet i feel the brief feelings coming on. I can't physically move from bed in the morning, i don't want to go out, i've lost my appetite and the sleepless nights are horrible. I feel there is no getting past it. I have been through so much that one story on this wouldn't be a long enough page. Basically my father is a nasty man who continuously spends my inheritance money as well as my sister's to pay off his debt. He blames me for everything and has criticised my independence of moving away from home to live with friends and try my best at university. He has belittled me and manipulated me to the point where i want to disown him but feel i cant purely because he is my father. He's lied to me in the worst way possible, the closest person to me, my gran passed away last year (his mum) and he didn't tell me she was dying. I found out two weeks before and have dealt with it really badly. She left me inheritance money and i believed spending it made me happy, so i spent all of it and have nothing to show and am now in debt.I thought it would replace her in some way but it didn't. She was my rock and my best friend. I have lost so many people as well as my gran including my brother who was killed in a car accident last year, my grandfather who I was really close to, my ex boyfriend, my auntie and my uncle. I have lost so many people for so many different reasons. I don't know how to handle it. I feel like I am walking about with a dark cloud hanging over my head that wont go away. I'm scared that I'm going to push everyone away because of it and I'm terrified that it will get too much for my fiancee and he'll leave me. I really don't know what to do or how to handle it. I feel like I'm surrrounded by so many people yet I still feel so alone. I need help.
sparkle11 sparkle11
18-21, F
5 Responses Nov 10, 2012

I have depression as well and melancholy. You know in a sense there's nothing wrong with it. God if everyone on el planet EartO was super happy all the time, it would totally suck.

I understand how you feel in some ways I'm 17 and I deal with off and on again depression and I hate it because I become and emotional eater and All I want to do is lie in my bed and just cry.

For different reasons I too fall in and out of depression from time to time. Talking to people has helped me only when I am talking to a good listener.... but those are very hard to find.
What's helped me every time without fail is reading the bible and talking to God.

There are many people who will have a religeous view on depression. However, there comes a time that we all allow these feelings to take over. You have a massive network of support here. I'll add you to my circle as my friends on here really have been great.

there is hope
the hope is here
the here is now
and you have to believe
the belief is in you
u know the truth
u live it each day
each minute u know u are right
the challenge is that u know u understand where others eyes are shut
why do they do this or that
why do they not see the pain why why why
the answer not simple
the answer not the solution
the solution is in u
u r the solution
because u can see, feel, sense what is so foreign to most
this your gift fro9m God
so go forth
be u
I am with u as you are with others
we share the compassion for the others
we live the pain others shed withh ease
because this is what makes us different - and so apecial
so u carry on being just that
I am that and u are that and that is that and that is all that matters
.trust u as no one can tell u anything else that matters
never never never be or want to be or think it matters to be anything pother then u
god, or whatever u want to call this or that - it does not matter
what mattes is that u love u
that u be u
that u do not want to be otherwise
that u do not be otherwise
be u strong
be u weak
be u smart
be u challenged
be u whatever - u r alive
u are wonderful
u are special to all past present and future
u matter
so forget about be other the just u
God loves u unconditionally
so do I
I am That