Think About This...

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You've had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends?They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days. It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn't succeed like you did, but she tried… your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up.. Trust me on this one.
KittayGoesRawrxD KittayGoesRawrxD
18-21, F
63 Responses Nov 13, 2012

Killing yourself takes your genes out of the gene pool. While your genes are obviously not a benefit for you they could be what saves the human race in the future. So if you want to kill yourself have a couple kids first.

Are you depres? You want to kill yourself? I am telling you, you need to go out there, go to a nursing home to help somebody, to visit an oltimer, and share time with him or her, or go to a psy Unit, to share time with a guy or a gay in similar situation, or go to the spca and clan kennels or walk dogs, do something for somebody. In my case, I visited old folks in my area, and I clean the street in front of my parents home, believe doing something for somebody helps you to get out of the depression. You have to realise depression is just a "why me attitute" and I am telling you why no, you need to got out of there and do something for somebody believe me, I am often depress and I am often self treating myself this way. Good Luck... Ciao

We all wanna kill ourselves. I wanna die so bad. If I die who would care. Only my mom and brother why would the rest of the family care they don't even talk to me while I'm alive. Anyways this is not what I wanted to say. What I want to say is find something to live for. Something you can do alone, you don't need friend and you don't need family find a dream and live for it. Please I believe that there is always someone that cares even if its a stranger. I dont think its wrong to take your life but I do think its wrong to give up before you've even tried.

I agree with you and although my depression went away, the pain is still there and when there is nothing left to do but die, and find peace.

You are very inteligent and your advise is absolutly great!

When you die, you stop helping people you are here with two purposes.
1. to worship God.
2. to influence ( help) people and their lives.
So your life is not your to take it, you life belong to God, and he is the only one should take it.
Go out there and do something for somebody.
In my case I felt like you, and I went to help people in a nursing home and in a Psy unit as a volunteer, and I clean the street around my neighbor, this make me happy, I do exersices and my neighbors appreciate me, I always talk to you and I have a relationship with them. Dying is not an answer believe me.

Yes I'm glad you did that. I feel like at some point we all have that feeling of giving up. So never feel like you're alone. Helping others is an amazing feeling especially when you did it for nothing. It makes you feel like you've accomplished something that's really all you need.

1 More Response

I know that I mentioned something About this story earlier, but I love how after reading this my desire to kill myself still doesn't go away. If anything it increases, because I am pretty sure that you have to be socially normal for it to apply.

For me, when I was younger and now as well. There is no ex who's heart will be wrecked, no friends who would become suicidal. My family already has plenty of other distractions to keep them busy which has driven our relationship into a business like relationship of formality and routine. Of course, I will be blamed for the lack of a relationship because I am the social loser and it is my job to take initiative to improve things since I have nothing.

If anything my death will only affect my family from the stigma that comes with suicide in the family and I will quickly be forgotten. Lucky for me I spent many years refusing to have my picture taken so it is easy to cover up the fact that I existed in the first place.

Thanks. I won't kill myself but I hope something kills me. Everyday I hope this happens...but when something happens that almost kills me I tell myself I'm not ready to die yet.

Die a meaningful death or live a meaningless life? I wonder how many times I consider this each day..........? No one notices when you're alive.... but at the same time,if you died you would suddenly be there best friend! Aaah the endless (or terminal) conundrum of an early death! I can only imagine 'his' reaction if I died!

Stop thinking about yourself and think about others.

Yeah, sorry... I was just being a drama queen!

And that is the reason I refuse to.

Great story. Tears right now :')

"Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school."

And they'd be right to blame themselves. I'm not bothered by that in the slightest. Having said that, I'm not suicidal to begin with.

This is honestly very beautiful but sad

You have written a well thought out story. This occurs often today. I am coping it and putting it on my f/b status. My father killed himself 2 years ago. I was fortunate that I got over it quickly. Others aren't so lucky.

Wow...... That story really touched me...I just cried reading that. I have attempted suicide 3 times and I've cut a lot. This is now going to be the story that I look up whenever I'm feeling like that. Wow. That' I'm speechless. Great story!

My mother killed herself 4 years ago. I know that depresion is very hard to go through but I don't think people realize what it does to the people around you. Me, and my sisters and my step-father have not been the same since my mother committed suicide.

wow this has really put a different light on how i was feeling

my life was bad when i was a teenager then all that changed. I got married had kids and i am happy now. i very rarely get depressed anymore. I have a purpose for living and finding that helped a LOT.

Wow I have to say this is one of the best thing i've read in a long time. You will be an inspiration to many. For some reason we should keep this flowing. There lots of kids who should read this.

Thank you

Honestly I don't believe people care. My family is the cause of my feelings, school makes it worse I just want to leave, I try hard to stop people from hating me so much but to no avail. So exactly why try anymore. Hell my parents even said they wouldn't even hold a funeral for me if I killed myself, they would only go about their business for their lives because they are alive. And people at school, they said they'd throw a party...

Find people who care, who cares of they are across the globe. We can't give up so soon

I dont fell like aneay one cares in my life so how can things get better if i dont give up????????????????????????????? i am not kidding how?

You brought a tear to my eye. I live in a family where 3 people have killed themselves. Two of my cousins and my grandfather, my boyfriends big cousin did the same 2 weeks ago. I really wish each and every one of them had read this. I have had first hand experience of how everything falls apart, the memories still live on and the constant questions of asking why. My dad has never gotten over it and has been depressed and battled alcoholism ever since. I have depression but have medication to try and help. Most people have been bullied in some shape or form in their lives and i would say that ending it because of it is letting them win. However, some people see it as the only solution. It really is sad. I believe suicide is one of the deepest and darkest decisions an individual makes and that being somone who still lives on after being surrounded by so much death, in such a tragic way. Has to find the strength to put the pieces back together. Those left behind have to realise that they are released from their pain but they were in such a mind set that they did not think about those left behind. I hope they are happy now. I am sorry you wrote this. You obviously have a lot of pain going on and i hope you can release all your pain.

Im a survivor of bullying so I know how it feels. I never thought about killing myself though. Maybe because I raised knowing that if you commit suicide you will go to hell. I mean not that everyone is scared of hell, but I was and still am. Just want to encourage anyone who is going through this to know that it wont last always. You can make it and if you do you will feel better in the end knowing that you got through it and that they could'nt defeat you. Stay strong.

I have tried many times to end it...I think about doing it everyday. I don't have a need for life, or concern for my family and friends. they will move on.

speechless... i wish to know more...

Everybody has a soul mate and the people that don't and are alone those are the people who did suicide and never got to meet their soul mate ... So that one decision puts a ripple in the universe somewhere..

This why I live everyyday, even tho it hurts

i would end it today but u know what i cant afford a gun and my mother makes children she cant handle so this 20 year old has no choice but to walk the streets of the world looking for some kind of life i have five sisters me being the smartest im not sure how my ma would take care of a 7 seven year old and new born twins with no heat or job barely a roof over their head and i cry because if this is my world then what are theirs they didnt ask to born none of us did but you aren't giving a opinion when ur born and who your born too listen people take care of your kids because 2012 aint looking good

keep fighting on, those punches and bruises& derogatory audio remarks will b replaced with soft joy & being able to inhale

YOU KNOW WHAT, YES I do want to kill myself. Not many people care, a few will. But you know what?! All my ******* live I have been worrying about otheres, putting others first, when all everyone ever did was put me down. They don't care now, they will when I'll be that, but, well, so sorry my friends, a little too late !!! And you know what, think about what is more selfish, comitting a suicide or convincing someone to live and stay in their misery just so you don't feel guilty and bad afterwards? They should've cared now, not after I'm gone. This doesn't help anyone who wants to do it, trust me. It only makes us want to do it more, because once again, you point out how selfish one is to think about killing themselves. I mean, are you serious?????!!! DO you have any idea, in how much pain this person must be to think about suicide, and you dare to tell him/her he/she is selfish? Do not preach about things you don't understand, because you don't know what you are talking about. I know your intentions with this letter were good, trying to stop someone from doing it, but its really wrong and messed up.


*when I'll be dead

(sorry, I've been so frustrated I typed really fast and didn't check before I posted it )

It's amazing that in 2012 there are people who believe in god still...

Sigh, I'm sorry you have multiple personalities and depression,(or whatever you have) I really am. But dumping on others religion, why? I am christian. I have felt the holy spirit and nothing will convince me that He is fake. Life cannot exist without life with the one exeption of God. So how did life happen? I hope you will change your mind, because I would love to see you in heaven someday!

No thanx , I dont wanna eternal life, 29 years are more than enough for me...

ok, well, it's your choice whether you want to walk on streets paved with gold or eternaly burn everyday... I'll take heaven, thank you.

I don't understand why americans are so religious...

my parents didn't teach me a thing about believing in God i choose to myself. Your logic is faulty. Not everyone who believes in God was raised that way.

2 More Responses

Many people dont think bout this....

Good explanation about what happens after someone has committed suicide. Remember this life is only short and a test. If you have problems God only gives you as many problems as oyu can cope with. It is a test of your strength. All problems are temporary. There is a solution to everything. Look for the solutions to your problems solve them. Then by praying and believing in God you will find peace and happiness and your final abode will be paradise instead of hell. The life hereafter is eternal, it is better to suffer a little in this life and find an eternal paradise afterwards than to have a life of luxury and problem free here and spend eternity in hellfire in the afterlife.

Well then please point out the solution to THE PROBLEM IN MY HEAD!

I've been told this before. I've also contemplated suicide 22 times in my 21 years of life. I've been through a lot. In the moment, when I really wanted to, I wasn't in the right mental state. I wasn't in my mind. In the heat of the moment, depression takes over. Thinking about this doesn't help for me - it just makes me feel as though everyone else thinks I'm being selfish. So although this may be true and able to happen, it doesn't help everyone.

Just thought I'd put in my two cents.

I like listening to the younger generation whom think like this it's inspiring. I had fiance who committed suicide in front of me with a bullet to his temple, it's been 7 years and I still wonder what it would have been like if he was here and no matter how many counselors and family has told repeatedly that it was never my fault but I still do blame myself. I take suicide threats personal now instead of just thinking a person wants attention. R.I.P. Brian♥

-the silent battle

Need help

A premature death causes shock because isn't natural, you grow up, live through adulthood, get old and die. Suicide breaks this sequence, it's like a book unfinished...

So true.totally agree.that was a bit creepy it girl.

A said today to my mum when we were arguing that I was going to commit suicide and she said "If you want to do it, do it!, but far away from here!"

that is so true. thankyou

Hmmm.... that's all I have to say about that.

Omg :( thats horrible, made me cry.. that was so powerfull

<p>very inspirational!

I'm not alive because I want to be alive. I'm alive because there's people that want me alive.
I think about what it would be with the people at school, "Why did she do that? She seemed so happy and hyper and loud.." nobody knows how hurt I truly am, that's why I'm still breathing oxygen. I hate disappointing people.

You are an empathetic person because you keep alive for others, I'm not like this, i don't think about others...

Wow.what you wrote is amazing

I have a wonderful family that makes everything to cheer me up, they're deluded, it doesnt work. I know they will be through hell when I die, but I a the one suffering, locked in my house for 2 years, unable to have a social life. Unfortunately I made up my mind, in the next few weeks I 'm gonna take my own life...

What???? ok, go to a therapist if you mean that!!

Haha, therapists??? I have a collection of psychologists in these 16 years of depression, they have nothing to offer...

whatever, depression is hard to fix.

I think about killing myself daily. I won't however because of all the people it will affect. Although I won't actively participate in my own dimise, I am what I call passively suicidal. In other words I don't care if I die, either from illness or accident, I actually wish it would happen. I know it is cowardly of me but at least I wouldn't have to worry about how killing myself would adversely effect others as opposed to my accidental death which people would get over more easily.

When people want you to live for them, they are the selfish ones...

I quite understand, but unfortunately my pais is bigger than anything, moreover, if I live for them, they are the selfish ones...

i know how that girl is. i never succeded. i was rescued by my lil cousin. he walked in my room and sat down./ he wanted to talk about my favorite cad game YU-GI-OH! a scarf was choking my breath off, but i tried talking to him. m voice was rasphy but i tol him everythin he needed to know. he left with a few cars he wanted to look at. i untied that scarf from my neck. and i walked inside the living room, and huggd my lil cousin. he saved my life. he was too young to know it it's because of him that i still to this day play yu-gi-oh.

How very poignant! I know someone whose parent committed suicide. It is a never ending cycle of confusion, pain and sadness. With everyday comes new things that their parent is missing; marriage, birth of children. Suicide has so much more to do with the turmoil inside a person as opposed to death.

wauw, this story made me cry. i feel so selfish for trying to die :(

I miss my bestfrd who done this

That's was amazing, I really felt all that.
I wish people would see it like that.
If only my sister would read this.
I don't know how much longer she'll be with us but I'm just hoping we get to spend the holidays with her, if she's not drunk or spun...
Thank you for you're writing.
It was touching.

This story really touched me. Great job.

I was about to do it but i saw this and thought of it in a man's perspective. Thank you so much

thanx your message helped me i've been having suicidal thoughts since 2010 but your message made me think again

very well written, suicide hurts no one but the people that love you most. what a selfish act :(

I've seen so many suicide threats on EP. I've even considered it once myself, but then I thought about my family. These people do need to consider a couple of things. Not only will they be hurting so many people that love them. But also, there are plenty of people in the world that have it much worse, and that arent just giving up. Suicide is selfish. Thank you for posting this.

That touched my I used to want to kill myself when u was in high school because I was going through alot but what I failed to realize until a while later was that that would be the most selfish decision of my life. I think of how my death would directly kill my mom from depression and her high blood pressure and all the love ones. I wish I could have read this story about 5yrs ago when I needed this so bad. But I made it. And this just gave me that push to always remember I'm worth it and people do care. Thank you so much

You say people care about you, why don't they show it? Why do people care and miss after you kill yourself?

Because they don't realize the pain one's going through until they're truly gone.

lol, cute note, lets start off with all the things that I have. Hmm well their is my now married friend. He who cannot see past the person he is *******. If he is not ******* someone he is taking up all your free time. Well that is until you tell him you want to be alone for a bit. He takes it personally and stops talking to you for weeks. Then their is the current roommate. He is a friend, however, before he is a friend he is a leech who's biggest concern would be how is he going to live his life. So when I kill myself his first reaction will be, "**** how am I going to pay the rent"? Then there is the family. Both the sisters who were too cool and too elite to take any interest in their brother's life. Well of course that is when they and their friends did not need tech support. One is trying to change, but she is just too busy. The other just lives her life returning the apathy I give her life. There is the mom.. the one who would be sad because.... well the sisters are so far away. Without me around she has nothing to do and cannot parent. She is also sad out of her habit of having to appear the best at everything. So she will have to be shocked and sad at my death. Despite the fact that during my childhood I was told to ride the bus, ride my bike, or walk to anything I had going on. While my sisters could easily get a ride across the street if they demanded it. Then lets talk about work. I am not very social there. I am the resident expert. The cute project manager flirts with me to get me to do her favors. My personal favorite is when she wears a shirt skirt and sits on my desk. Otherwise, no one else knows me. I do not know anyone else. You know if I was living alone, I could kill myself and not be discovered for months? So you know it will be odd for everyone if I die. However, no one will be miserable over it. After all, they accuse me of not talking to them or keeping in touch. Yet oddly enough, when I do send them emails or texted... well my wait time for a reply to email is anywhere between 2 days and... well lets see... counting the last email I sent out... 3 years and counting. However, this post is very cute. It is what would happen in high-school. Well for a normal social teenager. In high school I barely registered as present in class. If I killed myself then a few people would be shocked... but on the whole. No one would really say anything. There would be no ex girlfriend who is just a cumslut. There would be no bullies who have become more violent. There would be no girl who teased me. I would be forgotten before my funeral happened back then. So save your words did no reach me in the slightest other than to make me laugh. During my life the only beings who would have been authentically hurt by my death would have be my cats. Once this cat passes... well guess who so will I. I only wish I could attend my funeral. To see how long I can go without laughing the pathetic obvious lie that it would be.

Well I'm glad you laughed? I just tried. But whatever...

O.o, I do not understand your comment.

Well, if it is true that nobody seems to care or notice, no offence seeing as I know it happens to some unfortunates, then wouldn't you just be cutting off your nose to spite your face if you killed yourself?
Why deny yourself the chance for things to change just because you're angry at the world? Or the people that made your world crapp, even though they aren't concerned one way or another? A lot of people are angry. I know I am. But, you gotta let it go otherwise it's just yourself you're punishing. I'm not going to cliche you out or anything but just think about it logically is you don't like 'pathetic obvious lies'.

Who said i am killing myself to spite the world? I am killing myself so I can no longer exist. This is not about hurting others this is not about revenge or anything like that. This is about me no longer existing, wasting space and resources. I just want it to be over. The only changes that will come my way is someone else will use me.

Lol at least stick one story, honey. You made a point of explaining how little everyone would care if you killed yourself, no doubt to undermine the story, and then you turn it around and say it's not about that? I have to say, you do amuse me, my dear.
Oh and I would address your other points but I'll leave that to the others who will no doubt fawn over you for a time, thinking they can change your mind.

O.o... uhh right? My story was to explain to her that her little happy teenager life is not the life that was lived by me. It was not my reason to die. :P DO not worry though, I have been causing trouble on here long enough that no one gives two craps about me.

I'm not worried, duck, don't fret and i noticed that after just a glance at your profile lol. No, your reason for killing yourself is no sex and cat dying, right?

Ah yes my vanity reasons. You know make people give up long before they even try.

Their choice

Yeah and I am happy to report that most do not even bother with what I write.

I highly doubt that, suicide is, as a pretty controversial subject and everyone wants to have a say. But ,thanks for the report anyway

8 More Responses

I appreciate that you has written this and I suppose I agree with that you have put, but some people tell the loved ones exactly how they are feeling and say to them "why would you be willing to live your life and sit back and watch me suffer every second of the day."
Some people show them why they can not continue and convince their loved ones not be too upset because resting is so much peaceful than suffering.
Thanks for sharing this anyways.

Uh well most people would be touched by this and change their thinking.

Oh yes absolutely and that's why I think what you wrote is great and lets hope it does help some people change their minds. I was just giving another perspective.
They say some people want to die because they have a fear to live life, well maybe it's not that at all. Maybe the person who is suffering is not afraid to die. Sometimes death is the only option, that's if they truly can not cope.

That's... deep and thought out...


I have to say that is a good story although I never thought about who I would hurt. I wouldn't commit suicide but thoughts have entered my mind and now this seals the deal.

I'm glad. ^__^

WOW! i never thought about how badly i would be hurting the ones around me, even the people that make my life hell. thanks for the story really! it opened my eyes.


You're welcome.