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Think About This...

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You've had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends?They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days. It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn't succeed like you did, but she tried… your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up.. Trust me on this one.
KittayGoesRawrxD KittayGoesRawrxD 16-17, F 67 Responses Nov 13, 2012

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Killing yourself takes your genes out of the gene pool. While your genes are obviously not a benefit for you they could be what saves the human race in the future. So if you want to kill yourself have a couple kids first.

Are you depres? You want to kill yourself? I am telling you, you need to go out there, go to a nursing home to help somebody, to visit an oltimer, and share time with him or her, or go to a psy Unit, to share time with a guy or a gay in similar situation, or go to the spca and clan kennels or walk dogs, do something for somebody. In my case, I visited old folks in my area, and I clean the street in front of my parents home, believe doing something for somebody helps you to get out of the depression. You have to realise depression is just a "why me attitute" and I am telling you why no, you need to got out of there and do something for somebody believe me, I am often depress and I am often self treating myself this way. Good Luck... Ciao

We all wanna kill ourselves. I wanna die so bad. If I die who would care. Only my mom and brother why would the rest of the family care they don't even talk to me while I'm alive. Anyways this is not what I wanted to say. What I want to say is find something to live for. Something you can do alone, you don't need friend and you don't need family find a dream and live for it. Please I believe that there is always someone that cares even if its a stranger. I dont think its wrong to take your life but I do think its wrong to give up before you've even tried.

I agree with you and although my depression went away, the pain is still there and when there is nothing left to do but die, and find peace.

You are very inteligent and your advise is absolutly great!

When you die, you stop helping people you are here with two purposes.
1. to worship God.
2. to influence ( help) people and their lives.
So your life is not your to take it, you life belong to God, and he is the only one should take it.
Go out there and do something for somebody.
In my case I felt like you, and I went to help people in a nursing home and in a Psy unit as a volunteer, and I clean the street around my neighbor, this make me happy, I do exersices and my neighbors appreciate me, I always talk to you and I have a relationship with them. Dying is not an answer believe me.

Yes I'm glad you did that. I feel like at some point we all have that feeling of giving up. So never feel like you're alone. Helping others is an amazing feeling especially when you did it for nothing. It makes you feel like you've accomplished something that's really all you need.

1 More Response

I know that I mentioned something About this story earlier, but I love how after reading this my desire to kill myself still doesn't go away. If anything it increases, because I am pretty sure that you have to be socially normal for it to apply.

For me, when I was younger and now as well. There is no ex who's heart will be wrecked, no friends who would become suicidal. My family already has plenty of other distractions to keep them busy which has driven our relationship into a business like relationship of formality and routine. Of course, I will be blamed for the lack of a relationship because I am the social loser and it is my job to take initiative to improve things since I have nothing.

If anything my death will only affect my family from the stigma that comes with suicide in the family and I will quickly be forgotten. Lucky for me I spent many years refusing to have my picture taken so it is easy to cover up the fact that I existed in the first place.

Thanks. I won't kill myself but I hope something kills me. Everyday I hope this happens...but when something happens that almost kills me I tell myself I'm not ready to die yet.

Die a meaningful death or live a meaningless life? I wonder how many times I consider this each day..........? No one notices when you're alive.... but at the same time,if you died you would suddenly be there best friend! Aaah the endless (or terminal) conundrum of an early death! I can only imagine 'his' reaction if I died!

Stop thinking about yourself and think about others.

Yeah, sorry... I was just being a drama queen!

And that is the reason I refuse to.

Great story. Tears right now :')

I agree with Rennn they should blame themselves those popular girls who have eating disorders F uck them. I like your story though it was nice, i just don't see the ending happening where two years later people are still upset at school. I think the point of commiting suicide in that setting would be to prove a point and almost spit in the faces of those who have hurt you no? Like the ones at school they should feel bad if they tormented you. I have tried suicide twice but for reasons that where not due to people at school.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Life's a *****. All their is too it.

"Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school."

And they'd be right to blame themselves. I'm not bothered by that in the slightest. Having said that, I'm not suicidal to begin with.

This is honestly very beautiful but sad

You have written a well thought out story. This occurs often today. I am coping it and putting it on my f/b status. My father killed himself 2 years ago. I was fortunate that I got over it quickly. Others aren't so lucky.

Wow...... That story really touched me...I just cried reading that. I have attempted suicide 3 times and I've cut a lot. This is now going to be the story that I look up whenever I'm feeling like that. Wow. That's..wow. I'm speechless. Great story!

My mother killed herself 4 years ago. I know that depresion is very hard to go through but I don't think people realize what it does to the people around you. Me, and my sisters and my step-father have not been the same since my mother committed suicide.

wow this has really put a different light on how i was feeling

my life was bad when i was a teenager then all that changed. I got married had kids and i am happy now. i very rarely get depressed anymore. I have a purpose for living and finding that helped a LOT.

Wow I have to say this is one of the best thing i've read in a long time. You will be an inspiration to many. For some reason we should keep this flowing. There lots of kids who should read this.

Thank you

Honestly I don't believe people care. My family is the cause of my feelings, school makes it worse I just want to leave, I try hard to stop people from hating me so much but to no avail. So exactly why try anymore. Hell my parents even said they wouldn't even hold a funeral for me if I killed myself, they would only go about their business for their lives because they are alive. And people at school, they said they'd throw a party...

Find people who care, who cares of they are across the globe. We can't give up so soon

I dont fell like aneay one cares in my life so how can things get better if i dont give up????????????????????????????? i am not kidding how?

You brought a tear to my eye. I live in a family where 3 people have killed themselves. Two of my cousins and my grandfather, my boyfriends big cousin did the same 2 weeks ago. I really wish each and every one of them had read this. I have had first hand experience of how everything falls apart, the memories still live on and the constant questions of asking why. My dad has never gotten over it and has been depressed and battled alcoholism ever since. I have depression but have medication to try and help. Most people have been bullied in some shape or form in their lives and i would say that ending it because of it is letting them win. However, some people see it as the only solution. It really is sad. I believe suicide is one of the deepest and darkest decisions an individual makes and that being somone who still lives on after being surrounded by so much death, in such a tragic way. Has to find the strength to put the pieces back together. Those left behind have to realise that they are released from their pain but they were in such a mind set that they did not think about those left behind. I hope they are happy now. I am sorry you wrote this. You obviously have a lot of pain going on and i hope you can release all your pain.

Im a survivor of bullying so I know how it feels. I never thought about killing myself though. Maybe because I raised knowing that if you commit suicide you will go to hell. I mean not that everyone is scared of hell, but I was and still am. Just want to encourage anyone who is going through this to know that it wont last always. You can make it and if you do you will feel better in the end knowing that you got through it and that they could'nt defeat you. Stay strong.

I have tried many times to end it...I think about doing it everyday. I don't have a need for life, or concern for my family and friends. they will move on.

speechless... i wish to know more...

Everybody has a soul mate and the people that don't and are alone those are the people who did suicide and never got to meet their soul mate ... So that one decision puts a ripple in the universe somewhere..

This why I live everyyday, even tho it hurts

i would end it today but u know what i cant afford a gun and my mother makes children she cant handle so this 20 year old has no choice but to walk the streets of the world looking for some kind of life i have five sisters me being the smartest im not sure how my ma would take care of a 7 seven year old and new born twins with no heat or job barely a roof over their head and i cry because if this is my world then what are theirs they didnt ask to born none of us did but you aren't giving a opinion when ur born and who your born too listen people take care of your kids because 2012 aint looking good

They care only when they see what they actually do.. most wouldnt see it before its too late..

keep fighting on, those punches and bruises& derogatory audio remarks will b replaced with soft joy & being able to inhale

YOU KNOW WHAT, YES I do want to kill myself. Not many people care, a few will. But you know what?! All my ******* live I have been worrying about otheres, putting others first, when all everyone ever did was put me down. They don't care now, they will when I'll be that, but, well, so sorry my friends, a little too late !!! And you know what, think about what is more selfish, comitting a suicide or convincing someone to live and stay in their misery just so you don't feel guilty and bad afterwards? They should've cared now, not after I'm gone. This doesn't help anyone who wants to do it, trust me. It only makes us want to do it more, because once again, you point out how selfish one is to think about killing themselves. I mean, are you serious?????!!! DO you have any idea, in how much pain this person must be to think about suicide, and you dare to tell him/her he/she is selfish? Do not preach about things you don't understand, because you don't know what you are talking about. I know your intentions with this letter were good, trying to stop someone from doing it, but its really wrong and messed up.

*life

*when I'll be dead

(sorry, I've been so frustrated I typed really fast and didn't check before I posted it )