Why

What is the point, honestly? Would someone please tell me? Because at the end of the day I still crawl into bed alone and no one hears me cry, no one calls to check on me. The fact that I might not be okay, that I might not even be alive tomorrow doesn’t cross anyone’s mind.

Writing doesn't offer any relief anymore. It doesn’t help me cope. How is putting words onto this glaring white screen going to make me any better? It won’t. This heartless, feeling-less, meaningless piece of hardware can’t give me a hug. It can’t tell me it will be okay. It can’t give me the love and affection I so desperately need. It doesn’t give me a sense of belonging or value.

And yet it’s my only friend. It’s pathetic. I hate it, and I hate that it’s the only place I can turn to. Why the hell do I even bother anymore?

It’s glaringly obvious that I hold no value with other human beings. There’s clearly something wrong with me, some horrible deficit that I’m overlooking. My model was defective and doesn’t function properly. So maybe it’s just time that I was decommissioned and put away to rot where no one will ever have to deal with my failures again.

RAINandSTARS RAINandSTARS
22-25, F
2 Responses Dec 3, 2012

You are a very valuable,lovable human being even though because of your depression you cannot see it,you have isolated yourself because you do not believe anybody cares for you and you are so afraid of further hurt and rejection,yes, some people do not care,they cannot be bothered with someone who needs support, it is too much like hard work for them,but there are people who DO care,please see your doctor,you might need antidepressants to lift up your mood and give you the much needed energy you need to help you cope,your doctor will refer you to a counsellor and a group of people who have gone through depression and understand what you are going through and want to help and support you,but this will not happen if you isolate yourself,depression gives you a distorted view of yourself,you feel down on yourself and do not think straight,PROMISE ME YOU WILL go to see your doctor,do it now!.Take care.

I"ve been thinking that as well, it's one of the reasons I read your post. I wonder what's the point on a daily basis and that's the only way i can take it, day by day. Sometimes it's hour by hour on bad days. I try to care about myself, instead of thinking about the people i know don't care about me. I wondered what was the ugly inside me that I thought they must have seen. But I am tired of trying to figure others out and chose to not care. If there's anything that makes you feel just a bit better go with that and f(orget) what others think! I hope things get better for you