Good And Bad Days

So i deal with depression on a daily thing. I am even on meds for it... I have tried to kill myself many times and felt like that was the only way out for me.. I now know that i am loved and have family that still needs me here. I have to be here for them.. im not saying its easy because for me its a fight. but i do take baby steps and when i feel overwhelmed i call someone i can trust. (which isn't always easy for me either,) I fight to keep going i fight to smile some days and other days its hard for me to even get out of bed, but i do have my good days where its a bit easier to handle things. I have three kids that needs me ( they are my nice and nephews.. i don't have kids yet) there are nights i cry myself to sleep and I don't even know what is wrong i just cry, part of why i am depress is i was abused as a child and have bad nightmares about that, I have tried to get over that part of my life but it seems like it just keeps coming back for me.... I and in therapy... i even go to groups.. i need all the advise i can get.. i just wish i wasn't so depress all the time it feels like it contols me eats away at me and even makes it hard for me to find peace at times, i just wish i could feel like i was winning in this war, I no longer want to die but i still feel a dark clould over me.. its like i can't breath it hurts to be happy on days that i feel like there no point in trying, but than my Girlfriend calls and i tell myself she wroth trying...
mariasher mariasher
22-25, F
Dec 11, 2012