Social Life And My Dog

They say that “a dog depends completely on his master”, that the owner, the master is everything to the dog. The owner is the source of food, of play, of using the bathroom, of general comfort. However to me, of me, my dog was everything to me. Though it did not seem at the time and perhaps I hid it well from others, Sk was everything to me. I needed Sk as much as he needed me. Sk did not provide me with food or shelter, he did not bring in money or attract the girls but the emotional comfort, the psychological comfort was completely invaluable.

My life, my social life to be exact is a plain life, a quiet life. I have friends and acquaintances, I am not a Victor Frankenstein, a Howard Roark, a depressed moody loner following up the latest emo band-I do socialize at University, I do enjoy people’s company but I am not what one would call “one of the boys”. I am attracted to the opposite sex but I do not fastidiously pursue women, “She’s hot, I’d like to get with that, take that shirt off and get in my bed!” etc… I do not play paintball, go to the mall, I am not a drinker and no I do not play basketball and I find football to be simply ok (don’t see the appeal in fantasy football, sorry). These things or rather the lack of the common social gatherings never really bothered me. When I stayed at home on Friday, Saturday night I did not envy those who went out, I did not envy those who went to wild Spring Break parties, I never felt bad or sorry for myself. With Sk, that was all I needed. To come after class every day, to stay home Friday and Saturday to not go out, I never felt bad, I always felt comfortable with Sk. There is a love, a companionship with a dog that is unmatched and for all my “failings” in terms of social life- I cared not for I had Sk. Sk brought me joy and companionship, a happiness that I am sure would have resulted if I pursued the “usual” guy things. The problem is though when the dog goes-as nature intends for the life span of the dog is much shorter than that of the man, when the dog goes a part of me went as well. When Sk died a part of me died and no it was not a result of bitterness or “he was taken from me too soon”. If Sk had lived to 20 and died peacefully in his sleep, no cancer, no illness etc.. the loss would have been just as great and devastating. When Sk went I suddenly felt lonely; the lack of many deep personal friends, of talking to someone, of discussing this and that, the merits and follies of life, the virtues and vanities, all of that, the pageantry of depression and emptiness fell upon me.

So you see, Sk was everything to me, on the outside perhaps people saw it as the dog totally devoted to the master but in truth I was totally devoted to him. He was my utter companionship, my complete friend and confidant in the face of a confusing and sometimes indifferent world. I reason that as much as Sk needed me, as happy as I made him when I came home, as furiously as he wagged his tail when he saw me-it was I who needed him, I needed him more, I depended on him more than he ever depended on me. That outlook on life is not exactly a bad thing, a wrong thing. I was/am still a productive member of society; I did not break the law, I interacted with my fellow man, I reasoned, I talked, I shared mirth. The problem is when the dog goes, a part of you goes as well and to regain that companionship, that longing to the world, that purpose for being is very tough. Perhaps in some ways I am still looking to regain it.

So I stand now still unsure of where to go. Sk brought me great comfort and in my mind and heart he still does, however as much as I want I cannot bring him back. A world that previously I had interacted on usually the most shallowest of levels I must now approach with a brave new intimacy. I do not know where to from here all I do know is, I must go. If any readers have felt the same please lend me your thoughts. Where do we go from here? Where does the man who saw more in common, more humanity, love and loyalty with his dog than any man go in the world of men? Where do we go, what do we do?

-Sean
hereweare99 hereweare99
22-25, M
Jan 6, 2013