The Battle

After awhile you start to lose a sense of who you are and become numb to the world around you and question how you ended up in a place that's seems to mimic hell, And when you there the walls seem to close in on you leaving you in a claustrophobic state. So you feel limited. Sure there are resources to help but then you think to yourself "This guy talks to at least Twelve crazies a day how can he possibly empathize with me?" So when you finally do talk with this man he offers you a bottle of pills and a hand shake. The pills only take care of the physical symptoms of what you feel and with had was for emotional support, but then your back at square one and you asked yourself "What was it that pushed me over the deep end?". A questions with to many answers but none of which truly rectify the problem at hand. So you turn to God and realize you reflect the epitome of sin and that not even our Lord in haven can love a lost soul like yours. So you give in to your sinful addictions while you let the devil taunt you day in and day out. Only to come up with one solution to the ongoing problem at hand Suicide. "I really am crazy now" you say to yourself now that the idea seems a little more real as the days pass. People say they care and love you but for some months now the only interaction you've had with a real person is reciting what you see on The Christian Broadcasting Network to try and keep the faith alive. You understand this moment didn't happen all at once but it seems like a sudden avalanche of events that just won't end. So your patience wears thin and from within you feel your soul start to give in, Because you understand that this is only the beginning of a life where you seek glory but your only downfall is sin.
KeezyDerp KeezyDerp
18-21, M
2 Responses Jan 11, 2013

The pills only do so much. You still have to change your thought process.
Curious as to what your sinful addictions are....I've been on EP since 2010 or so; therefore I doubt I'm shockable :p

I once went trru what you are feeling, i spent much of my life feeling like that, i am 51 now, i abused drugs and alcohol just to get thru everyday life. I was always in a state of despair, and hoplessnes, and also suicidal.It wasent till i was i was in my early 40's that i got clean, and with the help of my family got hep for my mental illness, i dident know i was even mentally ill untill i stoped drugs and alcohol, with therapy and a good psychcatrist and the right meds, i was able to get better, it took a while and it wasent easy, if you really want to get better and not go thru life like this seek help now dont suffer your whole life like i did, you have to have faith and believe, you are worth it