Burning Inside

It is a bitter life I live, never do I smile, not a real one. Only at times do I feel happy but then everything comes back. Pain, tears, blood, never does things get better. Most look past me and see a girl who is happy, they see a girl who has lead a happy, peaceful life. But it is not like that at all. Never judge a book by a cover, read it then judge.

Suicidal is how I feel most of the times, just so cold and afraid. Not afraid but more scared of myself. I cry each night, or I used to. Now I hate crying, I find it almost impossible to cry. I cannot cry without hating myself even more. The way I was raised was to accept pain not run from it. 

You go to school, see that boy or girl that sits alone, the one everyone picks on. They are depressed. They hate themselves, they are hurting. I was one of those girls, I watched through my eyes but I was not in that body. No I was gone, dead inside. Fighting for something to live for. 

I cut yes I will not deny that, I have scars everywhere, but I have my reasons.I have reasons on why I cut. I feel dead inside, when I cut it shows me that I am still alive. You know what makes me laugh, the fact I used to fool myself and tell myself that everything would get better. I would welcome death with open arms, I welcome it like it is family. But I have to stay strong even though I cannot do it much longer. 

You know that letter that you write over and over to get it right, I finally have it right. Each word, each sorry, each good bye is all in it. I am keeping it, maybe one day I can finally do it, finally end everything. Then that letter they will find it, the pain will fade at last. 

But then think this way, open your eyes, look into mines. See my tears, see the blood pour off my wrists. I pretend to be so happy. Sometimes I feel like I want to open up to just one person but I can never find the strength. Everything I have bottled up inside me, it is seeping through the cracks of my broken soul, so this day I am saying this.  

Many feel like this, I feel like this. But we have to learn that we are not alone, we are surrounded by people that understand. We think no one cares but people do. Together we can fight these thoughts, together we can destroy these feelings. Together, we can make it.
thisaccountisgone thisaccountisgone
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 16, 2013

I feel like this sometimes, just the feeling of getting away from this hellish world I live in. Ending my life, seemed like the only option I had, I seeked help from my family doctor and was diagnosed with sever depression. I am now fighting my way through and finding ways around feeling the way I felt. I am happy some days and that's something I couldn't do before. Your not alone because im here, I care, and im still alive. :)

Thanks and I care about u too

ye dont even know me

Doesnt matter ur still an acquiantence

That story just makes me want to hug u

hehehe

So wat got u into poems

life, it is a way for me to express my emotions and what happened in my life. ye should check them out

I will I was reading your stories starting with this one

hahah ok :)

So can we be Facebook friends?

3 More Responses