A Story Unknown
Not every smile is real. I'm not really one to express myself, or say how i feel. But right now i have no one. i cant trust myself, my parents, boyfriend, best friend or anyone. its not that i dont trust them its that i dont want to show the pain i actually hide behind my smile every day. my smile fades every night im in my room, it slowly turns to tears and pain. i honestly dont understand what is wrong with me. i guess im scared and dont really want to know what is wrong with me. am i depressed? bipolar? scared? troubled? lost? or all of the above? i believe that i have been unusually strange for a while. ive been happy, ive been sad, annoyed, angry, tired, and just weak and sensitive. although what im most afraid of is me finiding out my own issues myself. i mean i dont know if thats a bad thing or not. i guess i just am waiting for someone to actually care about me and look me in the eye and tell me that they know that im not okay..... i mean obviously im not OKAY!! i have issues like every other living breathing person but i also handle them differently and im young and stupid i dont know how im supposed to approach it or how im going to get rid of my depression and my anxiety and i cant do everything on my own. everyday i wake up with a good mood trying to please everyone i see. i just dont understand though society is just so ****** up that its physically and mentally impossible to please everyone. they people i do please end up being happy then i have no energy at the end of the day to please myself.. everyday.. i complement people to make there day better; because i know being complimented is nice, but if i do that apparently im fake and really dont care. when i really do! people always doubt me and think im worthless. i tell myself im worth something but everyone thinks im not then maybe im not. i also dont understand life at all. i can have one bad day and its the end of the world; apparently im rude and unhappy. like i didnt know i wasnt aloud to have a bad day? or if im happy everyones in a bad mood. or i come home to do homework and my parents yell that my rooms not clean and dishes arent done without being told. im not wonder-woman. my brother goes on about life barley having to worry. i just dont understand anyone or anything anymore.