Not Many People Know The Real Me...

I am a hardworking, successful college student. I have received many awards for my grades and my talents. I have friends but nevertheless I feel lonely. Not many people can see past my exterior. My parents are bitterly divorced, my father is a raging alcoholic, my mother is depressed, and even though I have much to say for my life I cannot help but feel worthless. Deep down inside there is so much hurt and anger and hatred that I cannot let it out without fear or it tearing me apart. Instead I will maintain my soft spoken, polite exterior and keep my feelings deep down for fear or what others would think of me. I have only told 3 people in my life about this but I was sexually abused when I was 8 years old by my next door neighbor. It ashames me still even though I know it was not my fault. It makes me feel disgusting and unworthy of anything. I also have hurt myself many times in the privacy of my room because I just could not handle the pain... However, I have found out the hard way that cuts and burns may heal but they do not mend the brokenness in your heart. I have never been this completely honest with anyone ever and it is hard for me to write all of this down. I was diagnosed with depression about 6 months ago and did not really realize that was the problem until someone pointed it out to me. I have found out though the depression is something I will have to live with and battle each day. Somedays are easier and others are much harder but life goes on.
SLianL21 SLianL21
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 25, 2013

I hope it gets better for you.

Thanks so much

Please be my friend. I understand and I have gone through similar experiences.

I would love to be friends...

First of all, I wanna be your friend. I am sorry that you got raped. If you need help for your rape situation, you can call 1800-656-hope and try for the nearest rape crisis centers try I am here if you need me. I hope you have the strength to deal with life.

Thanks for the tips. I really appreciate your kindness