I Feel It Some Times.

I am a pretty happy guy. I have my own place. Good friends and a family. I have a good job. I am lucky. But when I was younger t wasn't like this. I came from a broken home with a mother that chose her friends and drugs over me, and a father too ashamed to see me. I never really felt loved growing up. I still don't from my mom. And my dad was never man enough to face me before he passed away. I lived making my own food doing my own clothes, with no close friends. I woke up to go to school on time cause it wasn't home. I did this from the age of 6 when I was in second grade to Jr high. I finally had met a friend that helped me find my family on my dad's side that took me in. They tried to do right by me. They took care of me. They tried to teach me about being a kid. Having fun and living care free. I never could, I was a recluse I hid from them and every one else. I didn't know how to cope with others. The closest thing tocomfort for me was tv and video games. I triedr and to this day I am still trying to come out of my personal shell. I go out with friends, travel around, made mistakes and made the right choices too. But I have never been able to be close to some one. Never been able to let them Into my bubble. It has caused havoc in my relationships. The closet was a gal that I dated but in the end I just couldn't do it. I got scared when a major thing happened for us. It is my only regret that I have. I find myself unexpectedly sad even around good friends. I think that my experiences have shaped me, not for the better. I still struggle in my relationships but I have gotten better. But still have a long way to go. I strive to put my feelings of sadness and discomfort behind me and live for the moment.
xodousone xodousone
22-25, M
2 Responses Jan 26, 2013

I agree with @ilovemacintosh... you're brave. it sounds like you're trying to come out of your shell.

You sound like a brave guy. I admire and respect your desire to carry on and be strong. Keep it up!