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My Brother

I hav a brother A who is 18 four years older than me,he is severly disabled and needs 24 hour care.I have to get up at 6 every mornin to help him get ready and as soon as i get home i have to let him in make his tea and get him ready for bed.My mum is a single mum and has to work long hours to keep us afloat.The only reason she had me was so i could look after my brother.I am not allowed to go to university as i hav 2 stay home to look after A.He is my responsibility and that is too much weight on my shoulders. I am a teenage girl,I love my bro to bits but i need to hav some time to myself.I am so jealous of the girls at school who have a free life,who cry over a broken nail when i hav 2 deal with epileptic fits,who have no responsibilities, who can go to sleep not worried that their brother will die in the night or what will happen as he deteriorates.I feel suicidal because everyone else is free to live their life and i am chained down,i always wanted to b a musician but that will never happen,as soon as im 18 i will hav 2 spend my life being a full time carer,what man will want me? how can i have kids when he takes up so much of my time? I feel constantly depressed and cant remember the last timei was happy.Sorry about this u dont hav 2 read it.btw iam 14 not in my 30s i did that so i could add contact friends easily.
sweetwhatthe sweetwhatthe 31-35 3 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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By the way I agree with xezeep. I feel bad for not saying this in my previous response - I wrote it late at night as I was off to bed and very tired but yes, xezeep is right, you really do deserve a reward for the selfless way you have looked after your brother and helped your mum out, that's why I would urge to you to research and see if there are any charities etc. that would look after your brother (or local day care centers) even for a couple of hours, or failing that another family member or a friend. Maybe if you have any trusted/really kind friends who could come over and just keep you company while you take care of your brother, just hang out for an hour or so while you take care of him, just to keep you company and give you someone to chat to about your interests. You deserve to at least have a few hours to enjoy a normal life (and if you get some time plan something really good to make the most of your time). You do deserve official recognition of what you do and a reward. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

I hope there's a God who rewards people like you.

I feel so sorry for you I really do, that sounds like an awful life, as a kid I had an older brother who did what he wanted when he wanted and I had to do all the jobs round the house and be the down to Earth and sensible one who does well at school etc and I thought I had it bad- losing out on my youth to make up for his disappointment, I don't envy you at all.
Are there any other relatives who could help out to give you a break? Uncles/Aunts/Cousins?
Or any help groups - are you in US or UK? Here in the UK there was a service or charity that helps provide care for disabled people on behalf of their full time carers so that their full time carers could experience a life outside of caring, if you are in the US maybe you could try researching that and if there are charities etc. that do this talk it over with you mum and contact them just to get you away, if even for a little while.
I take it you mum might be a bit stressed? You would be the best judge of this but have you tried approaching her calmly and telling her how you feel? You might have to be really tactful and mature about it but as I say you know your mum and how she will react and whether this is a good idea or not.
Is there a trusted adult - like a teacher or pastoral/school welfare type person you can chat to about this and get advice from them - they would be 100% discreet and would know far more about it than I do.
Above all you cannot be expected to throw your whole life away like this. What has happened to your brother is unfair and cruel but you can't lose all your life too, that means 2 ruined lives, your life should not be spent in atonement, you deserve your full chance at life too.
You need to approach this calmly and sensibly though, respect the fact that your mum will be stressed and your brother does need help but at the same time you have entitlements too. A sensible mature approach will work wonders with the right people - talk to an adult you trust and get the help you need.