More Accurately: I'm Depre...

More accurately: I'm depressed sometimes. Being depressed sometimes is a very normal, natural thing though. Nothing to get too worked up about. There was a time in my life when I was way more stressed and depressed than I am now. Right now my main enemies that can trigger depression are hopelessness/helplessness, loneliness, and when my lifestyle isn't healthy (i.e., not exercising consistently, sleeping too much at odd hours of the day, not eating enough and of a balanced diet). Heck, just modifying my lifestyle to be a lot more healthy would probably help a lot.

Depression only really hits me hard when I consider the disparity between my hopes and dreams and my reality. My reality seems pretty bleak and hopeless to me: living with my parents, almost thirty, no college degree, high school dropout, erratic work history, no accomplishments to speak of, pretty poor, lots of debts, overwhelming loneliness and feelings of powerlessness, etc. This in contrast to my dreams: making movies; having a loving, beautiful wife and satisfying family life; being financially stable; being fulfilled internally. Part of the problem is that I'm not really certain what I want. I know that the movie making dream doesn't ever seem to die, no matter how hard I try to kill it. But is it really what I'm willing to spend the next 10-20 years chasing, potentially without results? Ah, heck. In all honesty, I don't actually believe that I wouldn't eventually "make it" if I did commit to spending the next 10-20 years chasing the dream with every iota of talent and passion I possess. So, I guess the question is, would it be worth it? Would it bear the fruits I so desperately hope it would?
liferiot liferiot
26-30, M
4 Responses Jan 8, 2007

Man! It's the best time to make movies!

I just want to say that I am touched by your honesty as I too have such a uratic work history and not certain what I want to to. But at lease you have passion for something In life. I havent found any strong passion in lfe and that is part of my chronic depression. I also know living with your parents doesnt feel great but you know there are alot of people who are still living with there parents I know them so its not just all talk. I finally moved out when I was 27 but only done so because I found low income housing and there are other places other then section 8 you can investigate if interested. Then financially I got on ssi for my learning disability but you might be able to do so for your depression or check out the department of rehab If this sounds like it could help in one way or another. Anyway your passion is a gift so you have alot going for you even just with that because I so admire people that have any kind of passion in life. I wish you all that is good in life just be your self its a gift!

Have you considered going to trade school? Skilled trade workers are supposed to be getting in higher demand due to retiring baby boomers or something. I think there's some good money in that, and you can work with your hands, which I always find more gratifying. Just a thought.

It's so hard to have dreams, pursue them, and expect harvest... I guess that is why they are dreams and we chase them. I can completely understand the practicality of the matter. Good luck. Never fear. What do you got to lose?