I don't understand. I despise society for what it's done. I hope to never see another person as long as I live. There is no peace or love in my life. So I replaced it with solitude and hate. I'm a stray dog that's been kicked by everyone until I can't take it anymore. I been beaten to the ground. But I don't understand. Why do I post these stories? Why do I care what people say when they've rejected me. Why?

I can't control the urge to post about my life. I'm not seeking sympathy. Everyone's been abused in one way or another. Everything I went through has to have happened to someone else. There's people like me who have nothing left. I've gone through pain, agony, rejection, rape. I've went from a smiling second grader to a man alone on top of a hill. For the first time in my life. I've been in control. But why I can't I control this? Everyone who's tried to affect me has been cut off. I don't talk to anyone from my past. I have no problem with that either. I just don't understand why I keep posting about my life. Why I keep posting stories that show how weak I am?

I have anxiety that controls my will. I can't look at someone without fear of them hating me, I can't compliment a girl without fears of being labeled a pervert, so what good am I?

The way I see it, my loneliness and my pain from the past are just part of natural selection taking out the weak. I honestly don't see why I've made it this far.
deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

The main thing I think you're suffering from is PTSD. You have to get to the root of the horrible feelings you have inside in order to mentally have strength to want to make it better and be happy and accept good back in your life. I'm sorry for your struggles :( They are so incredibly challenging when you've been so hurt over the years.