Things in my life at this every moment just seem to be out of my control and its overwhelming. i feel like i lost all sense of direction. I’m constantly feeling lost and no idea what direction to go in. I’m losing the mother of my child who really means the world to me. the idea of seeing someone else just filling in my shoes is a lot to handle. i have trouble getting up in the moorings knowing that I’m loping and it really only my fault in the action i took. all I’ve eve want was to be happy grow old with her with out a car. i regret being curious that one night 2 years ago and seeing what i saw. if i did not see that i know i would be happy and have all the trust in her. i stay up at night wishing i was just better to her. i remember the exact same day that pushed her into doing these things. if only wasn’t drinking if only i would’ve been responsible. i know she saw everything in me and i threw it away in a blink of an eye.
I’m depressed but also emotionally drain of all of my fights that i strated and never got anywhere, but farther away from the ones i love. i know we only have one chance, and i had plenty and i let the depression and fear get the best of me. now I’m suffering the consequences. as i sit here on this terrifying ride never l knowing what gonna happen and i hate it, because at any moment something so bad can happen that will leave more hurt and more afraid of whats ahead.
i don’t know what to do or how to make things bette.r the only thing i know now is how to argue or fight because I’m afraid of the truth and being hurt. I am not myself and have not been for 2 years now and i hate this feeling. i want so desperately to fine myself and inner peace with all that is happing in my life.i build my life around her because i thought she’s was the one....i want to know how to carry on and live happy knowing she’s gone and is happy with someone else. i know its hard already to think that all the things we enjoyed she’s enjoying it with someone else. i need help. i need a little light to shine in this dark place I’m in.
tony183 tony183
26-30, M
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

You'll be fine, promise. You're song go find a girl who wants you. I know it's harsh when your heart is rip out.