I have manic depression and I am a self-harmer (clean for a month and three days) but I am so close to relapsing! I have been talking to a girl I like daily for a while now and I started to think she liked me to, we are even going to homecoming together but just when I thought I might ask her out soon, her brother (he thinks I'm perfect for her and always gives me tips) tells me that she kissed a kid the other day and learning that just made me mad and extremely depressed because just when I thought that someone in this world liked me and that I was getting close to forcing myself to ask her out, she does this and I should've known that one of the kids I dislike the most in the world would be the kid she would go after ( me and the boy had some issues in the past and he still tries to make me mad all the time but I don't say anything for the girl I likes sake)! I shouldn't of been so stupid thinking someone actually liked me! I **** everything up! She still has no idea that I even know! It made me so mad but I am still talking to her but my question is, should I go after someone when they lead me on like that but just when I'm so close, they go and sneak around with another boy that she know I dislike a lot?
sm1ttay sm1ttay
18-21, M
2 Responses Aug 20, 2014

Hey I am sorry for what happen to you. But congrats on being clean for so long. I just say this after read your story. Why are you putting yourself down by saying no one in this world cares about you. You have no idea who might strongly care about you until you try talkin to them. You did nothing wrong to go back to relapsing. It was her fault that she lost a good chance with a amazing guy. So my advise to you is keep calm and just let yourself glow.

Thanks, I appreciate what you said and sorry, I never noticed this comment so I'm like a month late! I guess I could update you on what happened though! I am still talking to her and from how it sounds from her friends and how she acts, her and that boy were a one time only thing and she regrets kissing him (they didn't do anything else!) she and I have hung out multiple times since and we get along great, with people around and without! I am planning to ask her out in a few weeks after I go to homecoming with her (literally after, that night)!!

Congrats for being a month clean!! I'm only 2 weeks clean lol. And I'm sorry that that happened :/ it must really suck. Personally I think you shouldn't go after her anymore, she did this once, what's gonna keep her from doing it again? You deserve someone better

Thanks and the thing is is that she is not the kind of girl to do something like that( at least I thought) so this made me even more upset but I'm probably going to do the idiotic thing like I always do and keep trying but not even as much for me, more for her because I know her life isn't the best!