I guess you can say I am taking a bit of a break. Actually that’s not accurate, I am taking a lengthy break and want to shutdown. Turn my brain off, let it all go away I long to sleep like Rip Van Winkle, let me wake in 20 years. I am trying to catch myself before it is too late, but I feel far away from safety. I am a castaway on my own mental island. All around me is darkness as I have dove deeper into my psyche than ever I have before. I am fearful this long black continuum is my only fate. Classically I am depressed, but I don’t feel depressed. Repressed, better describes my feeling. Stuck is another. I am stuck. Trying to get unstuck is proving to be a monumental task. Mired in this morass, my only respite is a video game. A purely digital oasis of make believe. It’s my last tether to reality, which without I fear I would go insane. I am good man. I believe I have some damned good qualities too, but somewhere along the way I got lost, and can’t find myself. I’ve cut myself off from family and friends as I search. But I am too much of coward to seek in earnest. Fear links the mesh that binds me. Fear is who I am; a pathetic excuse of a man whose downfall has been his pride. Worse yet I have the tools to make it better, but they lie on the shelf collecting dust. I have failed. Happiness was never meant for the likes of me.