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Trapped

I've been depressed since I was a baby (seriously). Adding to that, I was constantly mocked, bullied and ridiculed. I have some learning disabilities so I was constantly reminded that I was worthless and unfortunately this is what I believe. Yes I am married and have 2 kids but one of my kids is autistic and I feel guilty for passing down a bad gene that I am sure is the reason for his autism. I have been to one therapist after another and they are all the same. I have tried different drugs, nothing has worked. I've been trying to look at the spiritual side of life but.. still depressed. I have also tried finding joy in the small things and appreciating what I have. But yet I am still suffering in my own skin. I just believe the world is better off without me, and the only reason I am sticking around is because of my family. I hate who I am and I just doubt I'll ever find any happiness. I don't know anymore.

missymir missymir 31-35, F 3 Responses Jul 6, 2009

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hi missymir iam not sure what to say except if there were more people like you on this earth who is willing to battle on regardless then the world would be a better place .......

I know how you feel. I have been married 24 years to a man who has worked hard on his alcohol addiction, but every time something isn't right in his life he tends to slam me. He curses and makes me feel really bad. This is ruining my self esteem, but I can't seem to get it across to him. If I try to discuss it with him he justs gets madder. Please help. I am so depressed and feeling really bad about me and the fact that I seem to just take it.

Learnig disabilities? I'm a teacher and I can assure you that someone that writes like you do as surely made excellent progresses, and I Know you must have struggled a lot. You're married, you're loved that's the most important thing in the world. You're the center of your kid's lives so fight for yourself and for them.I'm here if you need.