How Can I Come Out Of This Laziness And Depression?

I've been incredibly lazy lately and I think it's because I'm falling back into depression. I don't even know where to start but I don't want to be like this. Semester two just started up and now I have a lot of school work to do (online schooling), I hate leaving my room because it's messy all over my house and my family is annoying and I just don't feel comfortable anywhere but my bed. I love writing more than anything and I'm currently writing a novel but I can't even bring myself to do that. I just don't feel like doing anything at all. I always feel tired and I just want to sleep through the next 4 months till summer. I don't have friends or any one to talk to. I think my moms even sick of listening to my problems because she can't do anything about them. I escaped a marijuana addiction in October and now I've been thinking of smoking a bong more often. I don't know what's wrong with me or what I'm supposed to do. Even thinking about being depressed makes me more depressed. I hated how my life was when I was depressed before. I’d cry most nights and feel emptiness within my chest. I want some kind of change and a difference in my life but I have very limited opportunities and even less finances. I can't leave my house let alone my small town.

I don’t know what I am supposed to do about this. I want to do something. Obviously, no one would want to feel this ******. I’ve tried writing my emotions away but I’m sick of only writing. Don’t get me wrong, I still have the deep passion for writing but I want to do other things too. I want to paint my emotions on to a canvas. I want to play intense music on a piano. Thing is, I don’t have the money to buy the materials to paint and I can’t learn the piano. There are so many other things I desire to try out but I’m stuck. I’ve always been stuck here like this. I thought I could get better but there’s always going to be something holding me down. Something making it impossible for me to be happy with how things are. I need something that will actually help me, that will work. I don't want to hear about something you read online by a person that's clearly never been depressed. What has worked for you?

I've wondered...Does meditation work at all? How do I even meditate?
CourtGatekeeper CourtGatekeeper
18-21, F
7 Responses Feb 21, 2010

i cant agree with you more. i too am crazy in love with my cat. it sometimes feels like i can connect with her more than my siblings. sounds weird saying that. lol but i know how you feel. and im sorry you lost your job.

working at a job i enjoyed was the only time i wasn't depressed.. it was fantastic, i had a leadership role and i felt fulfilled and needed.. then my cat died in horriffic circurmstances (yea, i know it's "just a cat,"" but he was closer to me than my family) and i fell into a deep dark depression for months where i couldn't get out of bed and lost my job... it's not exactly an illness you want or choose to have, and i hate the stigma that is attached to depresssion... i mean, if i was a broken leg or disfigurement, something people could actually see, they might be a little more empathetic.. i even had a psychologist say to me once - your skinny and beautiful, i dont see what you have to be depressed about, and also have had friends leave me as they could only deal with me during my best times, and not during my bad.. definitly keping busy and doing something you enjoy is the key, but as always it's easier said than done

Because you dont know me and I haven't told you the reasons.

Iv bin feelin ds exact same way thz past few dayz...cnt gt myslf 2 evn study an important exam cumin up...I cnt say Iv found smthng dat wrks jst yet...Bt I Find dt wen I thnk of d gud parts of my lyf n ol d dreams I hv, or read smthn motivational or pray. in those moments I bliv again n *** alyv evn 4 d few stil batln it bt I bliv smhw dat 'this 2 shall pass'...hpe u fil bta if u nid 2 tlk. XxoO!

yeah right...activity and friends....ha

I don't believe meditation helps when you're depressed. It gives you too much opprtunity to think.<br />
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I'd recommend as much activity as possible, and spending time with friends. Anything to break the monotony and introspection.

If you ever want to chat just give me a buzz : )