Being Different Is Not Easy...

 

I don't know...my whole life I was always trying to be like somebody else and it really had me f**ked u know....but I've made very hard efforts lately to be myself no matter what you know....to be open and honest and vulnerable...but it's not easy.  I do it though and initially felt a rush of relief and excitement and what not but I don't know what's happened this last week....I feel like people I'm friends with ...don't really like me you know....I tell myself to not care what they think and I know intellectually that that's the truth....i tell myself not to put stock into whether they approve of me and to not put stock into whether they don't approve of me but I don't know....everybody thinks I'm tripping out....I got a lot of life issues going on so I know it's probably pretty easy to say that "He's acting weird as hell because he's depressed or something"...but I don't know....I'm a 31 year old straight male...and this week I fixed up my chucks with some red and black tape, was, markers, pens..etc.,...cuz I always thought that was cool as ****...it's what I wanted...I write **** on my hands all the time cuz I like it..cuz it's cool as **** to me....I even painted a couple of my nails and wrote sum stuff on them.....I don't know ...I'm in a small town so it is what it is....I just want to find that joy again you know....I want to not care what others think of me....but it's not all that easy....

Dawgddogg Dawgddogg
26-30, M
Feb 15, 2010