WHY Me? (trials of Being a Pk)

I was born and raised a PK (for the religiously impaired, a preacher's kid).  I never had a lot of liberties or freedom.  I was isolated and different from all of my peers.  When friends were going to house parties, I went to bible studies.  I hated everything about being a PK.  People in church were always awaiting your pit fall.  They placed you on a pedestal and then bashed you and your entire family when you couldn't meet their expectations.  So I rebelled, started smoking, drinking, disappearing from everyone's sight.  I spoke to no one in the church and even avoided my parents at all cost.  At first it seemed great, I was part of the cool crowd.  Rich, successful business men and me.   They all loved me and never judged me, but were curious.  Drunken nights were filled with questions of belief and historical doctrine.  Even when I tried to escape, even in a dive bar at 3 in the morning or in a room full of stoned people God was the subject.  I spiraled into depression, realizing that there was no escape.  All I had done was pollute my body and create bad habits to find life.  God was my life.  He defined me, the way a job defines most.  Now as an adult, I can see the isolation allowed me to be strong even in a world unknown to be before.  The truth of who I am was embedded so deeply that no amount of time could change my soul.  I love God and I know he's real, so why run away when the path is only an illusion.  Running away from the very thing you are... will just cause you to run into a circle.  God causes me to start over, every time I run.  It's not his punishment.  It's his gift.  He never lets me wander beyond what I can handle.  I have no regrets except that I created horrible habits that I struggle to stand against everyday.  I am no where near perfect.  WORLD, I am not perfect.  I am NOT a perfect Christian.  I am a normal human being who happens to have faith in the things that I can't see.  I would never want to be put on a pedestal because I can guarantee you disappointment.  I can guarantee that there will be a point where you'll see my imperfection.  All I can say, is that I will keep trying to be who he wants me to be.  There are many people who may read this and empathize in some way.  I wrote this for both you and me.  I want you to know that you are not alone in this race.  There are many who feel like me and have a call.  For all of you just hold on.  Don't let everything else define you because it will only be a matter of time before you are failed.  Thank you for the venting session.
Ezzie Ezzie
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 10, 2007

I, too, am a PK (Southern Baptist) and share a nearly identical story. Thank you for sharing it. It's a story that not a lot of people can relate to, but one that you still feel everyone needs to know about you before they can truly understand you.

I really love this story! I admire your honesty and your devotion to God!