I somehow believe, my feeble dreams in life or different than what my soul’s purpose is here on this earth. Someone deep inside, it unconsciously opposes my earthly dreams, which causes an inner conflict, and prevents me from challenging life for any hope and desires. I always try to receive some kind of direction from my inner self, but I have no clue as to go about it, so most of the time I’m just left feeling hopeless. Hopeless, even with the good days, they seem too few to provide the strength that I need to face all the darkness attacking my soul. I feel like I am failing at life, or have already failed at life. And I have many regrets that seem irreparable which are like scars on my soul and moral nature. I really don’t have the desire to die, but thoughts sometimes of not wanting to exist do. And I always seem to push people away, maybe for fear of them knowing the real me, and as a result I really have no close friends.