I Am Different Since My Mother Died
I would definitely say that I am difference since my mom died.........in a couple of profound ways. I was always close to my mother but the last five years of her life I certainly became one with her. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer, which of course is a worst case scenario -- Oarian cancer is one of the hardest to detect early. It is a silent killer - in my eyes. When I was in my early 20's I had become pregnant and did not want to disappoint my parents so I had an abortion. (Which is a totally different story) but at that point I became worthless. Unloveable. Unworthy of anyone's love. I started spending more time with my parents. I have 3 sisters, all maried, all with children. So, I looked after my parents. But, her last five years I was right there with her. Every Sunday my mom and I would watch Touched By An Angel. In the beginning and end of this show they always showed a Dove and you heard her cooing. Believe it or not on the night my mom died........I had my own Dove and to this day when I hear a dove cooing - I know it is my mom and it puts such a calming effect on me. It is like she knows when I need to hear her. My mom is always with me; I talk to her every day but in my lowest of lows I always can hear her. On the other hand - after my mom died my inside let go. I became "loveable" again. I met the man of my dreams 2 weeks after burying my mom. He even saw and heard my mom the Dove. It truly is amazing. He was in a totally loveless marriage and I had such a hole in my heart. We were there for each other. After 10 years he divorced his wife and moved in with someone else. Now, I feel pathetic, desparate and unloveable again. But, at least I will always have my mom.
