I Miss Her So Much.My mom passed away this summer after a 4 year battle with cancer. I was only 17 when it happened and I miss her soo much. I dont know who to talk to about it and I feel so alone. My dad still goes to sleep everyday crying and we all pretend to be our own little happy family but its like something so so important is just gone.
I used to be close with my sister, but since summer we just fight and dont get along and she left to university as soon as she could to just get away from the horror of it all. We used to be best friends, it was us against the world and how unfair it was. I was 12 when my mom was first diagonsed with ovarian cancer and they didnt have much hope of saving her. But she beat the odds and was cancer free! and then she relapsed but never to a point where it was that severe. Suddenly in the beginning of last year, the treatment just stopped working.
I remember the day my mom came home after recieving the news that she didnt have much longer. It was just me and her at the time as my dad was away on a business trip for the weekend. She told me that she was cancer free and that she was going home to india to just spend time in the warmth and with her family. A week after she returned i realised she lied to me as she was admitted into the hospital where by dad finally told me the truth of the whole thing.
Watching her die, being at her bedside day after day, i still dont feel like i ever said goodbye properly. I keep regretting that i didnt spend nearly as much time with her as i would have wanted to. I just allways thought that she would be there with me in the future.
We had so much planned to do, she was supposed to be there for my 18th, for my graduation, my wedding. she was supposed to hold my kids and tell them stories. Shes my mom and Its not fair that she is gone.
I cant seem to find the joy and beauty i used to find in the little things anymore. Everywhere i look i see pieces of my mom and I just havent been myself since she passed. I dont know what to do and I really just want to be happy again.