My Story

She was my best friend, she passed away six months ago after a year of trips back and forth to hospitals and nursing homes. She had pulmonary hypertension and congestive heart failure, both complications from obstructive sleep apnea that went unnoticed for many years. Her real struggle when she was unable to walk due to arthritis that rendered her knees useless. She spent her life taking care of everyone else, but herself. In a span of almost four years she lost her ability to do everything for herself and I became her caregiver. It was a challenge for me at first because I was 20 and I was in college. She had battled her life for about six months and was making improvements after the fourth time on a ventilator in six months (although she would never be the same). I was just beginning to accept the way things were, my mother being sick and I knew her lifespan would be significantly shortened with the diagnosis of pulmonary hypertension. I was beginning to realize that I had been selfish at times taking care of her and I had a lot of self pity. Just when I was waking up spirituality my mother died at home after I went to the store and her oxygen got disconnected. She had oxygen through her trach after having a tracheotomy only months earlier. I feel guilt and although I've been told my mother wouldn't want me to feel that way I do. I've been told that her dying was an end to her suffering but people act as if her death was just something I should get over. I'm 24 and my friends didn't understand what it was like when I took care of her and they don't understand how I feel losing her.
NaturesAnomaly NaturesAnomaly
22-25, F
2 Responses Jun 6, 2012

I never understand why friends and family are there. When all they have to say is. Everything happens for a reason and this is an end of suffering. But they will never understand how a Daughter will feel and what is a relation of a mother and daughter. No one else will understand the feeling. Empty feeling that is there for a lifetime. Just a feeling of her with me be it in any condition was such a support and comfort for me. I was full of hope but now I am left with nothing but just an empty feeling.

i understand too, my mom passed away recently and after the memorial service nobody talks about anything. even my brother and dad don't seem to feel comfortable talking about everything going on...