Died In Hospital

It's been 5 years now. She was sick. At first doctors said it's nothing serious, she'll need some small operation and that's it. But I guess.. they always say that. I was 18. She had the surgery and than they said she'll need to go on chemo-therapy for a few months. Now, back then I didn't know what the hack is chemo but now I know that it happens most of the time when u have cancer. And I also know, that most of the patients.. are dying during it.

Nobody told me how serious it is. I never, ever.. expected that she could die. I realized it when I saw my aunt (her sister) coming with the tears in her eyes. I was lost dude.. I didn't know how to react.. I wanted to cry so loud but I couldn't. It was pressing my chests.. It was 2 days after my prom night.

My dad died two years later... he couldn't live without her, always drinking.. always drunk. Kinda selfish from his side.. he had a reason to live.. he left two kids alone.

I am not saying I was a child and I needed her to look after me (or him), but why.. why on earth **** like this happens to people? I graduated, and I feel empty cause there was nobody left to show my achievement. What's even worse, my sister is getting married soon and I feel so damn sad she wouldn't have mom and dad beside her.

I kinda took the next step.. but sometimes I miss her so much. And the worst thing is.. slowly I am forgetting how did she looked, what was she wearing, how did she smelled, how did she act.. I miss all of that.

As for my father, I can pass him.. since the selfish bastard left us without regret.
igoreal igoreal
22-25, M
1 Response Jun 28, 2012

Dear Igoreal,<br />
<br />
It was really nice to read your article.<br />
My mother passed away when I was 8. Just now I was filling this college form & my friend saw it when I wrote late after my mother's name. I felt awkward. Although she knew it already but she turned too kind. It's just not nice to know that you dont have one of the world's biggest assets: your mother. <br />
I am the youngest, 17 now. My older siblings are caring but busy in their own lives. But they are nice it's good to have them atleast.<br />
My father too is very selfish and does not stand by my side in anything. He got married recently but this lady is nice.<br />
I so agree with you on how how said you forget them gradually and moreover I was just 8 you know!<br />
Past 3 to 4 years I forgot ev thing abt her. But then recently my sister put up some pictures and her qualities, how she loved us immensely and supported us. I forgot the warmth and how it was like to have a mother.<br />
But then I changed stuff. I have put her photo in my room, I dont feel sad cuz I know she's with me. I see her in dreams, and dreams with dead people are real you know!<br />
She would have never wanted to leave you like this. You know what you can do for her?<br />
I'm sure she would have been really pleased to see you successful in life, so be happy and strive for success for her sake.<br />
Then I have decided that I will study for myself, and marry an amazing person and then I will have an amazingly warm and loving family! <br />
I sometimes feel so lonely, but I'm religious so I always pray to God and stay positive.<br />
I can understand that it's hard for you but just pledge to yourself that your life will not go wasted like your dad's. You will move on in life and live your dream life! Read self-help books, try day-dreaming about your ideal life. Your past can never decide your future unless you let it. My basic goal in life is to become the best of me, get into a good university and life the next phase of my life beautifully. Travel, explore, find people your sort and I know you'll get along. :)<br />
Plus you should be happy for ur sister that she is finally getting settled after facing some tough times! Make sure that you can be her support and give her brotherly love if your parents are not by your side. Pillar her with strength and courage. Sisters love strong brothers. And she will be your channel of kindness and positivity! Get on good terms with your brother-in-law, eat out with them and try to smile to the world. That's what I do. I hate self pity and stay consciously away form depression. Your life has just begun mate, you're young, smart and energetic. You have no clue what the future has to unfold for you. You'll make it and each day will be bright and shiny. But right now you will have to take the initiative to make a difference and not end up like your daddy!! (no offence, my dad's the same :P)<br />
Just stay positive! (:<br />
And don't forget to thank God for all the blessings you have!<br />
Enjoy life and be positive. I bet there's so much to do than feeling depressed and victimised!<br />
Cheers brother! :D<br />
<br />
P.S: I have written all this so that you seriously start doing stuff for your self. This world doesnt owe us anything, you will have to win it. Don't feel so miserable.

Hello peaceinside,

Thanks for the comment, it helps reading some optimistic thought once in a while.

I am sorry about your mother, you needed her more than me, you were very young. But as you said, life goes on and everyone will find their place in this crowded world.

It's good that you believe in God. I don't believe in any of that.. especially not after my parents died. I believe in me, and what I can do. Yes, I went on the right track I guess.. graduated on good university, got hired in a good company, met the most amazing girl in my life and hopefully if everything goes right.. I'll marry her and have three kids running around the house.

I am sure you'll do the same, and sometimes I wish I had your optimism about life, but it's hard.. probably we'll all get over it sometimes.

Stay well, I wish you all the best.