If Only...

My mother died a week ago...she was an alcoholic and decided she could mix morphine pills with alcohol. What she didn't know was it would make her brain forget how to breathe. She was only 53, and I am only 22. My mommy never got to see me get married, have a baby, she won't be there to coach me through anything. I miss her so much, but I'm so angry and I hate it. I feel so lost and I can't seem to find anyone to understand. Can someone help me figure out what I need to do? I honestly just want to curl up and cry and do nothing else. My brothers didn't handle anything with the arrangements, I did. She was closer to them and all hey wanted to do to celebrate her was to party. I handle the funeral home, the medical examiner, the service. I am angry at them for that because they are older and they never once cared if I was heartbroken, they only cared that I wasn't partying too and fought me every step of the way. Now I'm lonely, and I'm broken, and I'm lost because only mommy could answer to me what to do... :(
kryptonite213 kryptonite213
22-25, F
5 Responses Dec 9, 2012

Let your brothers do what they feel. Ask them to let you feel it your own way.
Turn to people who are there for you.
Don't let them influence your grief… share it with people who care about you…
Take your time, do it your way.
You were there, you did everything for your mom's service… Be proud of what you did. Do not think about it in terms of being fair. You did it. You are the strongest in your family apparently…
It seems like your brothers have the same thing with alcohol as your mom did… Alcohol for many people is a way to soothe pain… I'm sorry if this offends you..
I see it in my family too. My mom was an alcoholic too, she passed away two weeks ago. The service was at noon, but almost my whole family wanted to know if there would be alcohol there… it's just genetic for some people…

Stay strong, take your time, do it your way.

I understand my mom was a alcoholic also she dies 1 month ago
She had a stroke and was brain dead .. I get it family fights t a time like
This I know we did and my family is so close but the grief makes
You fight with the people you love some can't handle it
I know because I had a hard time going to the funeral
But my family told me I would regret it when we viwed her
After they did her hair and make up I could t go in but again
They got me walked with me and told me to look if I
Wanted but they were trying to warm me that I would have regrets
Everyone handles these hard times differently I couldn't handle
It not because I didn't love her my mom was my life she was my
Everything but I just couldn't handle alot of things
They could please don't be Andy with them they love u and your
Mom and she wouldn't want you to be fighting with your family
But what I am trying to say is that it is normal to have things
Like this happen in a time of desperation and great sadness
I am also lost I can not pull my self out of this rutt
I to feel like my mom will never see my baby when I get pregnant
I am already married but I was counting on her to guide me threw motherhood
Even with her vice I wouldn't trade her for the world she was and Always will be a great
Mom .. Add me as your friend we have so much in common

Stay strong beautiful your mom would want you to. Alcoholism has a reputation but in reality it is a disease just like any other. I lost my mom to alcoholism, when I was 16. I decided to not let this become an excuse for failure, instead - I said let me take everything I loved about my mom and cherish as memories and learn from the her mistakes. We are all human, and its natural to feel anger but do let it pass. You are responsible for your life and you can do amazing things with it. Use your adversity to make you stronger - think about no exam, person, job, crisis will ever be as difficult as having your mother die. You are infinitely stronger than 99% of the population. Deep down you know what your mommy would want you to do - that's be an independent, strong woman! Go after your dreams & never settle. My thoughts and prayers are with you sunshine!

Please accept my sincere sympathy for the loss of your beloved mother. My mom also died recently (11/23/12) and I know first hand the pain, shock, and anger (at siblings) that can occur with a death. Your posts indicates that your brothers have not been much help and it is normal to feel anger and frustration with them. Please know that you must concentrate your emotional energy on you. Please find a good support group and seek out indivual counselling.

I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. I know your heart is broken in half. You don't understand why the world hasn't stopped still. And it should! After all, she was taken away so quickly, still so young, and probably your best friend. I am just 3 years older than your mom. I would give you a hug if I was there. Trying my best to hold back tears as I write.

My husband saw your post and told me about it. Uncannily he had a similar experience when he was only 20. His brother and sister dumped everything on him too and they were ten and fifteen years older than him.

My advice right now is to try to stay busy doing something constructive. Things maybe your mom would like you to do. If you are working, go to work, and give it all you've got. Get some time behind you and you'll begin to find your direction. Don't deny your grief. If you feel like crying, cry. It is not good to keep it bottled up.

Some people will tell you to try to forget about your mother because she is gone. I think that is wrong thinking. Speak of her to anyone who will listen. Celebrate her. Think about all of the good times and friendship you had with her. Laugh about the funny times you had. Keep her memory alive, your love for her is so keep it going, don't stop.

And yes you are strong. Anyone who can go through all of what you did and handle it has got inner strength, just like my husband does. I know because I know him and what strength it took.

Know this, God loves you and knows what you are going through, even though you might not think so. Talk to him about it. He cares about you and He cares what you care about.

Thank you. You and your husband are angels.