My Mother Has Been Gone A Year

It has been a year since my mother died at her work, and I can still hear the phone call saying you need to get down here your mom has had an accident. When my father and I arrived at her work we saw an ambulance parked out side. We went in and started walking toward the crowd when one of the employees asked if we were here for her. As soon as we started walking with them I thought O MY GOD THIS CANT BE HAPPENING my mother cant be died. Then they took us in a office and had the chief of the fire department tell us that she had died. That is when I went in to planning mode, I done all the arrangements and everything else, which is nothing like me because I never talk to anyone I do not know. Back to now a year later I still have the same dream every night, that my mother is still alive and that she just played a horrible joke on all of us. Then she says she is sorry but it was funny as hell to see how we reacted. That is when I wake up and REALIZE IT WAS JUST A DREAM and that SHE IS REALLY GONE FOREVER!!!! I can not sleep in my bed anymore, or on the couch, I have trouble sleeping anywhere anymore. I drink to much and then I pass out and do not dream, that is the only way I can sleep anymore. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I AM LOST WITHOUT MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ash2ville ash2ville
26-30, M
3 Responses Dec 11, 2012

I'm so sorry .. Please get help stop the drinking cause she would not want you like this
I know it's easier said than done hell I can't get well either but I'm not doing anything
Harmfull to myself or my family just lost and sad and hurt and 1000 different things but
Please please don't self distruct I know it's painful I know how hard this has to be on you
But you will join her in time .

I'm 26, my mom just died like 48 hours ago and I am already lost. Please get help for yourself, I am a wreck too, I understand. Your mom would want you to take care of yourself. I am doing my best to stay strong, you have to try too. We can do it.

i'm so sorry for your loss and the way it happened. nothing is the same after our mothers die. mine's been dead 6 years and i still miss her so. please try to talk to a professional and get it out how you feel. the drink will kill you.