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Good Bye My Angel!

I lost my dearest mother last month. she had pulmonary hypertension. We all were there but we couldn't save her. We saw her struggling for breath and she was still at 2.45 am. She was only 46. I can't believe she's gone. I used to think myself powerful but I couldn't ease her pain.

It's a great loss to me. I don't want to be without her love at age 21. I wanted to give her happiness, fulfill her dreams. Now nothing interests me. She even didn't give me the chance to repay her love. what have I done to deserve this? I see everyone out there happy because they have their parents. Why am I not lucky like them?  now I have nothing left but tears. I have realized that it requires great luck to have our parents till our 30s or 40s. The moments spent with my mom were the happiest moments of my life. Now even all the money in the world can't give me those golden moments back.

I believe that our loved ones are with gods in heaven. they are free from this worldly cruelty. I am just praying to god to give her all joy in the world that we couldn't give her, to keep her happy.

I want to tell others that please never ever disrespect your parents. Give them lot of happiness. they are your greatest precious treasure. Please be with them. Your parents need you.

Where she walked, there was light.

Titan007 Titan007 22-25, M 9 Responses Nov 9, 2009

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My mom is died on 16 may 2014... And I can't believe this...I don't want to live now...every second I remember her...what to do..I want to die fast as I can...

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

I am not religious what so ever. But this poem gives me peace. I hope you find some in it as well.
Marie Whitty 04/1997 R.I.P.
Love you Mom and miss you every day.

That's exactly what I'm going through. I wish I could repay her for all the continuous love she had for me and my siblings and how she loved my daughter. My heart broke the day she died.

my dears,<br />
<br />
I know how you feel, my mum passed away when she was 41 she died of a very unexpectedly of a bleed on the brain. My mum was ill for some time with poly-cystic kidney disease and we knew growing up that no one who suffered it in our family lived passed the age of 50 so it was always in the back of our mind that there was a strong chance that at 50 we would lose her, but being so young it never really sunk in the impact of those words..one day we will lose her... Being young you think your mum is made of steel, that she will never die.<br />
Then suddenly on feb 2nd 02 she had a really bad turn and 3 days later we clutched my mums hand in intensive care and said goodbye, I was 17 years old my brother 14 and my sister 21. We was never brought up with our dad so in those last seconds our lives changed forever We lost everything.... I lost everything. I was angry, I was scared, I was 17 and felt like a child walking in the darkness, <br />
I wish I can say it gets better with time but id be lying it never does. I suppose we learn to deal with it, how to get up each day and to laugh to smile but the pain that is always raw. <br />
<br />
Sometimes I can be in a place just sitting there ill think of my mum and I can feel a rock climbing from my stomach and em<x>bedding its sharp edges into my throat to the point I feel I cannot breath, I become so wrapped up in the pain of losing my mum that everyone else around me kinda disappears.<br />
<br />
When I think to myself I will never ever get to speak to her, never get to hide in her arms when I'm scared, or cry on her shoulders when I'm sad, or laugh with her, to smile with her, for her to have had the opportunity to see her grand children come into the world, the Christmases the new years the birthdays the mother days all these I will never get to spend with her again it makes life seem so painfully long. Its 10 years since she passed I know I will see her again and that alone makes me happy its the waiting that I just cannot bare.<br />
<br />
I just wanted to send you all love and prayers<br />
S

I lost my mom 4 days ago. I'm feeling exactly as you described: "Sometimes I can be in a place just sitting there ill think of my mum and I can feel a rock climbing from my stomach and embedding its sharp edges into my throat to the point I feel I cannot breath, I become so wrapped up in the pain of losing my mum that everyone else around me kinda disappears.

When I think to myself I will never ever get to speak to her, never get to hide in her arms when I'm scared, or cry on her shoulders when I'm sad, or laugh with her, to smile with her, for her to have had the opportunity to see her grand children come into the world, the Christmases the new years the birthdays the mother days all these I will never get to spend with her again it makes life seem so painfully long. Its 10 years since she passed I know I will see her again and that alone makes me happy its the waiting that I just cannot bare."

But life goes on relentlessly... I don't know what I should do with it now.

Hello dear: Do you know it doesn't matter how you are. I am 52 and have changed forever since my mother died 6 weeks ago. She was my world, but i do understand that you wish you could have her longer.<br />
<br />
I was so close to my mother it wasen't funny and was the only child. Its a tough road, nothing is the same and there is emptiness.<br />
<br />
Your in my thoughts and prayers.<br />
Debbie

Thank you Titan for your kind words you wrote under my posting. Your story is very touching as well. I can tell you really loved your mother and how much you miss her. None of understand why these things happen, I know I certainly don't, but somehow I have to, jsut as all of us have to keep on keepin' on somehow. It sucks, that is the only word I can think of that describes it, is that it totally completely sucks, it bites. I hate it, I want my husband back, you want your mom back, we all want our loved ones back, and the pain seems too much to bare at times. And you are right, we get these moments of laughter or whatefver then suddenly it dawns on me, boom, reality hits. Its hard, but we all can make it somehow someway, I draw every ounce of my strength from God, that is the ONLY way I am making it, and have people such as you all to help me, and I am thankful for that. I, too, am here, if you need anyone jsut as many others are too.

Hi Titan007,<br />
<br />
You're welcome.<br />
<br />
I believe your Angel is with God, but she is also watching over you. So pay really close attention when you think you feel her next to you or her kiss on your forehead, because those things and many more are very real. You will grow in her love because she still loves you, she's still right there beside you and she will still guide you the rest of your life, if you will only let her.<br />
<br />
I truly know how much you miss her. My Mother was killed by the doctor who was taking care of her, in 1989 and I still miss her every single day and wish she was here with us. I would loved to have been able to see her hold her new Great-Grandson and watch her smile.<br />
<br />
We didn't do anything to deserve this and God doesn't take people. Circumstances take people and God is there to greet them when they leave their earthly physical body.<br />
<br />
I was able to go on after 4 years after I lost my precious Mother, but only because I still had to take care of my family and I still had my precious Husband right by my side, helping me every inch of the way. Now, I no longer have him physically with me and I've never hurt so deeply or felt so totally lost in my life. He has been my entire life since I was 16 years old. I can't even explain to you what this feels like and I pray that you will NEVER loose the one you choose to marry and spend the rest of your life with. I would never wish that on anyone.<br />
<br />
It's good that you're reading spiritual books and watching movies. Have you see the movie "Ghost"? Have you read the book "Never Say Goodbye" by Patrick Mathews? These are both ones that I highly recommend. I still start crying over my Mom and I cry every day over my Husband even though it's been over 5 years since he was killed.<br />
<br />
Your precious Mommy will NEVER leave you alone. She knows how much you love her and how much you need her and she'll do everything she can to let you know she's still right there beside you. So please pay close attention and believe what you feel, hear and smell to be as real as the sun coming up each day.<br />
<br />
Please feel free to wrte anytime my friend.<br />
<br />
God Bless You Always,<br />
<br />
LKRK

thank you LKRK and titancia. really thanks for your kind comments. it's around 6 months now, I really don't know where my angel is. has god given her a new life with all the happiness? I miss her a lot. I want to grow in her love, with her blessings. I never thought I was destined to be so unlucky. maybe I will understand these things when I die myself. <br />
dear lKrk- I was sas to read about your loss. again those questions came to my mind- why us? what we did to deserve this? life has no meaning at all without our loved ones. I read lot of spiritual books now, watch movies, but the pain suddenly comes and I start crying.<br />
<br />
Mommy, where are you? I love you. you will always be in my heart. will you meet me in heaven or next life? dont leave me alone...I will be there too when my duty of living gets fulfilled..wen the god calls me..I love you mommy, I love u a lot.

I'm sorry you lost your mother at such a young age. I can't imagine what my life would be without my mother--she, too, is one of my best friends and I would feel so lost without her. That is a life changing event and I'm sorry this had to happen to you. It's wonderful you have good memories to reflect back on.

Your story and insight are amazing considering you are only 21 years old. How very sad that you lost you precious Mother so soon. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, sincerely.<br />
<br />
I know how much it changes you when you lose your Mother. I lost mine in 1980 and I still miss her every single day. She was not just my Mother, she was my very best friend. She was my comfort, my confidant, my protector, my joy, my laughter, my everything.<br />
<br />
When she passed away by the hands of the doctor who did open heart surgery on her the same day they did the angiogram, knowing it would kill her, my world stopped. For at least 3 years, I was in a fog. I felt so lost, so alone, so confused, so very, very sad, so cheated, so scared.<br />
<br />
I still go talk to her and my Father, and my precious Husband who was also deliberately killed by the doctor who was suppose to save his life, every day at the Cemetery. I still miss and need my parents every single day. But since I lost my Husband of 36 years, I find that I need him even more. He completes me and I complete him and we have to find a way to be together again, even with him there and me here. We just can't do this apart, because we never have been.<br />
<br />
My heart goes out to you. Please don't be unfair to yourself. Cry when you want to, sleep when you feel like it, talk to someone when you need to, take your time and don't let others push you through your loss when they tell you to get over it, or you have to move on. Just be honest to yourself and your Mother. You are the only two that count.<br />
<br />
I welcome your direct emails if you would like to talk, anytime.