Sometimes I Wonder If Anyone Will Ever Really Know MeI don't exactly know what it is about me that makes me so difficult to understand.
I hide my feelings sometimes, I contradict myself occasionally, I change my mind, I have unexpected reactions to a lot of things.. But as far as i was concerned all those things were pretty common.
I have been told fairly often by those closest to me, even the ones who have known me for years " I just don't understand you" or "Sometimes I feel like i'll never know you" and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because it really means a lot to me to bond with someone in that way; for them to truly know me. I want them to understand me, to know what makes me tick. That is a special feeling i think!
I am very open, I really enjoy long bonding conversations. The ones that last all night, you tell long stories, you talk about life, you share secrets. Then you wake up feeling so close. It's one of the things i live for, connecting with others and forming bonds.
It's somewhat lonely when they tell you they don't understand you, or that they don't know you. I don't blame them, it isn't their fault.
There is some comfort in this loneliness though. I am not predictable, which i think can be an advantage. I am harder to control and manipulate because people don't know how i'm feeling, they never know what i'm going to do next. I think that's a good thing.