Sometimes I Wonder If Anyone Will Ever Really Know Me

I don't exactly know what it is about me that makes me so difficult to understand. 
I hide my feelings sometimes, I contradict myself occasionally, I change my mind, I have unexpected reactions to a lot of things.. But as far as i was concerned all those things were pretty common. 

I have been told fairly often by those closest to me, even the ones who have known me for years " I just don't understand you"  or "Sometimes I feel like i'll never know you" and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because it really means a lot to me to bond with someone in that way; for them to truly know me. I want them to understand me, to know what makes me tick. That is a special feeling i think! 

I am very open, I really enjoy long bonding conversations. The ones that last all night, you tell long stories, you talk about life, you share secrets. Then you wake up feeling so close. It's one of the things i live for, connecting with others and forming bonds.

It's somewhat lonely when they tell you they don't understand you, or that they don't know you. I don't blame them, it isn't their fault.

There is some comfort in this loneliness though. I am not predictable, which i think can be an advantage. I am harder to control and manipulate because people don't know how i'm feeling, they never know what i'm going to do next. I think that's a good thing. 
babygirlxox babygirlxox
18-21, F
1 Response May 21, 2012

I wont make assumptions and presume this so I will instead ask. For someone so young as yourself, do you really know who you are yet? At least in my own youth I had no clue to who I was. No one could know who I was until I figured that out for myself.

That's a good question =) I believe that i am still learning about myself, and i am in a stage in life where i'm constantly growing. So i am changing! I understand my core pretty well though. I know why I do what I do, why I feel what I feel usually. The thing is that I am hard to predict because I take so many factors into consideration. That makes people confused about me. I just analyze so many things that it's hard to know how I feel or what i'm going to do.