Ache

I have always been incredibly shy. After being diagnosed with a chronic illness in Junior High, just when you are figuring out how to interact with the opposite sex, I forgot how to be a 13 year old and became a serious little adult, removed and focused on my health. Now I see it was a way to excuse myself from interacting because I was just too shy and afraid of being hurt. My peers didn't help, teasing me for the way the medication changed my body, and my parents bless their hearts were so worried about me they sheltered me. I followed all the rules, did well in school, didn't rebel, but I didn't grow. As the years wore on I retreated more and more when it came to interacting and meeting new people which recycled and regenerated the feeling of being an outsider. Everyone else seemed so normal, without limitations, confident. Rationally I know this is not true, everyone has something to deal with; a past, a heartache, a fear. Finding this site was encouraging, reading about people unafraid to share who they are and confess their fears or relay their hopes and dreams. I don't want more excuses as to why I'm this way. I ache to be a part of life. I have so much love to give. I want to know acceptance and be able to return it. I want relationships that are not about what I can provide for them, but that are equal. So I'm putting it out there... to the universe... in writing... hey I'm here.
warmlight warmlight
46-50, F
7 Responses Jan 11, 2013

Your such a sweet person, we need so much to be more sensitive when we are young. You have grown to be such a warm, caring woman. thank you for introducing yourself and accepting me as your friend :)

Im glad you are here as well. You are awesome!

And it has been so nice to get to meet you, warmy! We have much in common. I was a late bloomer myself, and I used to come home to my Mom and Dad's house every Friday night and play sports with kids in the neighborhood.... I remember feeling achey and despondent, wondering where my place was in life! So yeah, I relate!!!! {{{hugs}}}

This was very touching to read and it sounds like you are finally starting to become the woman you always wanted to be. :)

I hope so MisterGrey :)
Hopefully like the book about the little engine that could.... "I think I can, I think I can... I know I can, I know I can" :)

i can relate to this story

I think writing as eloquently as you have about your feelings is a great first step. Best wishes on your journey.

Oh my gosh thank you LostGirl, that's what I'm hoping for! You are very kind.

:)