I am difficult to get to know, that's for sure. I have been told many times that I am so hard to get to know and even that I frustrate people because I am so closed! I'm a dreadfully complicated being. I'm shy (that doesn't make it any easier) and I keep secrets. Most people give up after a very short time of trying to get to know me.

It is just that I am absolutely sure that if anyone really knew the real me, they would judge me, they would despise me and they would deem me a fool. I am afraid they will take what I tell them and twist it into something crazy. This has happened before.

I have to say internet anonymity is a great thing, I wrote things I never dreamed of telling anyone. My personal life has been a mystery outside of EP. At work where no one "knows" me, in school and even at home to some extent, but I suppose that's all my choice.. ='/

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3 Responses Mar 19, 2010

I know exactly how you feel. It's difficult because past experiences hinder your faith in people and situations. Having hope and faith in someone entirely alien to the grain of society is what gets me by.<br />
I am afraid of being judged, labeled; most of all, just people loosing sight of the person I am... the beautiful parts that sometimes get lost in all the weeds and lack of healthy foundations. Someone who truly could/does see you would not get frustrated and leave. I'm sure you realize that. I am also sure that you realize that there are those selected few who can see past facevalue and into your very heart.

were stuck in the same boat, i find it really hard to say what i think because i think people will look down on me so i never really talk. i try to avoid people because i never know what to say my mind is always off somewere else. i find it extremely hard to talk about my emotions i feel so cold somtimes i blanc peple that i know all the time i meen ****! it sends me insane

I will say again you have described me to a tee.<br />
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I know exactly how you are feeling my love, it can be the loneliest world out there. Have you ever heard the saying "In a crowded room, i am screaming at the top of my voice and no one can hear me". I used to feel this way all the time.<br />
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You have a wall built up around you for whatever issues from your past, they are holding you back. You really have to get some councelling for past issues, you wouldnt be like this for no reason. It will help you to let go and to start trusting people again. Not everyone is a bad person but you have to let them in cos you will get stuck in a rut for the rest of your life. You are the only one that can help yourself out of this. Its hard but its worth it.