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Personal Purpose.
Posted July 20th, 2010 at 2:10PM
This was a Personal Purpose Statement that I had to write for a class.
What is my purpose? This is a question that I have no answer to, yet the meaning of this question is somewhat very clear to me. It is an ideal backed with strong intentions; it is a sound so loud it causes silence, a task that is still somewhat beyond my grasp.
I stand here, not the same person I was this same time last year, or maybe, I stand here the same person I will be this same time next year. This is because this life is a harsh, rocky, dangerous journey, lined with false paths, fake smiles, the coldest distractions, the hardest falls, and the most sinful of human desires.
I have walked this path, fought this path, and lived on this path.
But this path does not own me.
I have exited this path, many months ago, and started a whole new journey to find myself, and to find my purpose.
This change, this choice…
It was not an easy transition, nor a painless one. I lost old friends, gained new friends, put away the bottle, pulled out the textbooks, threw away the weed, and then picked up a syringe, trading my time spent drawing smoke from a bong for time spent drawing blood from an arm.
When I made my choice to exit the playing field, taking myself to a higher level of morality, to seek a better life, I was confronted by my demons from the past, the present, and the future.
The past, reminding me of all my deeds, alerting me to the fact that once upon a time I did not give a ****, is an unbearable weight on my shoulders.
My own personal monkey, hanging around my neck, always trying to pull me down.
The present, harsher, more dangerous, is more difficult than anything my past could possibly throw at me . This is because nothing is certain for me, living day to day, watching my back, trusting no one with the exception of a select few, so few I can count that number on one hand.
The future, so obscured and beyond my reach, is the darkest hallway I have ever had the courage to walk down. I have only two outcomes that can be my future, one where I have completed this program, pursued my medical education through the military, or through more schooling, and grow into the master of my destiny as I have dreamed of. As for the alternative, I don't even want to give that notion the pleasure of existance.
So really, I have only one choice, which is no choice at all.
To succeed, to surpass, to achieve what many believe that I cannot achieve.
So maybe my purpose is to save someones life. Maybe my purpose is to take someones life, if only to save anothers. Maybe I don't have a purpose, but what I do know for sure is that at one point in my life I decided to become a better person, to leave that monster that was living under my skin behind, and that single act has given me purpose.
What is my purpose? This is a question that I have no answer to, yet the meaning of this question is somewhat very clear to me. It is an ideal backed with strong intentions; it is a sound so loud it causes silence, a task that is still somewhat beyond my grasp.
I stand here, not the same person I was this same time last year, or maybe, I stand here the same person I will be this same time next year. This is because this life is a harsh, rocky, dangerous journey, lined with false paths, fake smiles, the coldest distractions, the hardest falls, and the most sinful of human desires.
I have walked this path, fought this path, and lived on this path.
But this path does not own me.
I have exited this path, many months ago, and started a whole new journey to find myself, and to find my purpose.
This change, this choice…
It was not an easy transition, nor a painless one. I lost old friends, gained new friends, put away the bottle, pulled out the textbooks, threw away the weed, and then picked up a syringe, trading my time spent drawing smoke from a bong for time spent drawing blood from an arm.
When I made my choice to exit the playing field, taking myself to a higher level of morality, to seek a better life, I was confronted by my demons from the past, the present, and the future.
The past, reminding me of all my deeds, alerting me to the fact that once upon a time I did not give a ****, is an unbearable weight on my shoulders.
My own personal monkey, hanging around my neck, always trying to pull me down.
The present, harsher, more dangerous, is more difficult than anything my past could possibly throw at me . This is because nothing is certain for me, living day to day, watching my back, trusting no one with the exception of a select few, so few I can count that number on one hand.
The future, so obscured and beyond my reach, is the darkest hallway I have ever had the courage to walk down. I have only two outcomes that can be my future, one where I have completed this program, pursued my medical education through the military, or through more schooling, and grow into the master of my destiny as I have dreamed of. As for the alternative, I don't even want to give that notion the pleasure of existance.
So really, I have only one choice, which is no choice at all.
To succeed, to surpass, to achieve what many believe that I cannot achieve.
So maybe my purpose is to save someones life. Maybe my purpose is to take someones life, if only to save anothers. Maybe I don't have a purpose, but what I do know for sure is that at one point in my life I decided to become a better person, to leave that monster that was living under my skin behind, and that single act has given me purpose.
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