I Am Learning Disabled

and i have aspergers syndrom hope to fit in here sometimes i feel like a misfit that doesnt fit in anywere
stuwebb2 stuwebb2
56-60, M
3 Responses Nov 9, 2011

I feel that way too.

Indeed, feeling like a misfit is no picnic. But you are certainly NO MISFIT! You have a neurological difference and thank heavens it is better understood now (as you know, AS was not even included in the DSM until the 90's. DSM-IV has it as a separate category and in the next version of the DSM, they will include it under autism apparently, as very high-functioning autism or some such). I don't mean to sound like a know-it-all, but as a partner of an Aspie, I nearly went insane trying to figure out my partner's difference (who is extremely high-functioning), who managed for over a decade to go under the radar of the therapists who couldn't figure things out. When we went for counseling time and again with a variety of practitioners, we'd stumble along the same old paths, focusing on differences-- gender, culture, personalities, blah-blah... try this, try that... it was so clear to me all the time that our problems didn't require ordinary marriage counseling, but there was something else in play... I just didn't know what! My partner would just go along with stuff and going through the motions really, while I got more and more frustrated and as a result started looking like I really needed therapy! :)) Finally I gave up on the therapists and starting reading the DSM and when I read about AS for the first time, I broke down in tears... BINGO, there it was, a desc<x>ription of my partner. I immersed myself in the literature after that and it was the greatest relief to be able to say what this was... true, we don't want to label people or label their differences as diseases or conditions to be fixed, but sometimes it does help to have a name for something like this. I got my sanity back, honestly. My partner has not completely embraced LABELING his difference but he has understood that he is different. and is beginning to seek help in his own way (starting with mindfulness-ba<x>sed stress reduction program). I love my partner and always "felt" the goodness and smarts and caring, yet I couldn't reconcile the unusual behavior or "different" reactions to various situations (especially the isolating social behavior) with what I felt to be true about the person. Anyway, I think you'll know what I mean. Difficult as it is to be different, I hope you embrace your difference and as much as possible, try to be open about it and educate people about it, if possible. For me, knowing made all the difference emotionally. Had my partner known about his own difference and especially if he could have named it and given me a heads up, I would have stuck around anyway and we would not have had such a miserable decade (and I wonder if the two partners before me would have stuck around, as well, had they known-- interestingly, they are both still good friends!). It's still not easy for me but as a result of adjusting to my partner's difference, I became a better person, I think (albeit more neurotic :)). Truly I am more "real" somehow; I do not make as many assumptions, read less into situations, am more conscious of how I express myself, jump to fewer conclusions... and to boot Aspies are generally such straightforward and loyal friends and partners, that is the best part! Again, please do embrace your difference and remember that fitting in is not all that important... caring is what's important and being true... and figuring out some new ways perhaps of demonstrating your caring in your own way. Please do that, figure out how to demonstrate your caring and do it often. Thank you for listening to my ramblings, if you got this far. All the best wishes to you...

thank you

I hope you feel welcome here to share what you're going through. Feeling like a misfit is hard going and you are totally deserving of support when you feel like that. Big hugs to you.

i feel welcome here thankyou