Disabled and Lonely

I wish I could say that I am one of the disabled people that you see that is so outgoing and go out and enjoy life with friends. It is only a dream for me. I have ms, I am not to the point that I can not walk, but it is getting worse all the time. I do not have the strength to go out for very long periods of time so I stay home the majority of the time. I live alone, I do have my cat to keep me company, and I love him so much but I just wish I had someone to talk to.

I guess I am just a very caring person or so very soft hearted. In the past 6 months, I thought I had made a couple of good friends. I was wrong. I was always taught that friends do for each other. These people were in need of things such as food and every day things that come up and they didn't have the money being on a fixed income. So I wanted to help because they were my friends, but like always, they took all they could get from me and then decided that they wanted no more to do with me.
Being disabled is a tough thing to deal with in everyday life but I have adjusted to it. What I have a problem with is not having anyone who cares in my life and would be a friend to me and not use me for their own gain. Sitting in my apartment day after day is starting to really get to me. I have so much to give yet I can not find someone to share with. All I want in my life it to have someone to talk to and share and have a friend who does not judge me and is there for me and I for them. I am not sure that person exists any more. I guess I will just go on dreaming of friendship and talk to my cat. He loves me for who I am. Sorry, a little bit of depression I guess. Have a great day and God bless!

yoreg yoreg
51-55, F
39 Responses Oct 18, 2007

I have recently become disabled. I have found myself losing sight of friendships and intimacy with my partner. I think the hardest part so far about all this is no one in my family seems to remember that I'm wheelchair bound. I can't go dancing which I used to love doing and I can't get into most bars or resteraunts or even go to play pool because of dreadful stairs. I have lost a lot of so called friends due to this and am now watching my partner slip away as well. I have depression, understandably. Watching everyone leave me at home while they go out breaks my heart and my will every time. I'm going beyond lonliness into a very dangerous realm of invisibility. I'm not sure what I can do or even if I have the willpower to try anymore. Please, someone must have some advice or words of encouragement for something like this.

Add a response...totally understand the feeling of isolation. The lack of energy is such a discouragement. I can only watch so much TV and read so many books. What I want and need is friendship, real friendship. Someone that does not tire of hearing me express my feelings of depression, moments of joy, and all else in between. Please try to hang in there and take it day to day as I guess we really have no other choice. It's so amazing how we can take life, our health, and one another for granted. When we lose these things we are ever reminded just how frail we truly are as human beings. The sad thing is, no one ever thinks it will happen to them.

I so understand how you feel and when you have hard time getting out it is hard to meet new good people. I am in a relationship but life revolves around him. I have MS too.

I have been disabled my whole life. My developmentally disabled (ex)wife just wanted my disabilities to go away. While she denied the existence of her own.

My mentally ill (ex)fiance blamed all our problems on me. She has a history of blaming and accusing men. Never acknowledging what she has done.

Sure my relatives care. But I feel so alone. That I will die alone. I am only 48.

omg i could not had said it any better than you.i dont even have a cat.at this pont its three am an am so depressed and lonly.others say omg you sutch a great looking italian man stud.what ever ...this weelchair says i have the plaig to woman.to be very honest ive been in this chair for six years and tonite all o want to do is kill myself. im very well educated in the medical field us fed gov but had to give that up.all i want at this point is just a good loving understanding woman to love who loves me to hold make true love to and take my heart away for ever more.all my parts work and i have all feeling. just cant walk cause of scar tissue taking out my flex...i could go on fot ever now but wtf..just sitting here on my deck looking at boats four oclock in the morning wishing i stii had mine but had to give it u too.hey but i have kids a young boy fourteen and A girl twinty one that keeps me from ...well you quess and your correct.killing my self..cant do that to them...well any who thanks for letting me vent..daniel ernest geovanny angelillo...new port richey florida 727-400-2677 chow

I am in the same position you are minus the MS. I have DDD and have limited movement and lots of pain. I can just about take care of myself. I have a brother but like you he has his own issues.

I think I talked to maybe three people all winter. I get depressed every day.

Good luck, I know how you feel.

mark..i dont have msd and what is ddd.i was in severe mva an put back together with nuts bolts screws and now scar tissue has won.i was 2 years from being a surgen for the us fed gov and now this...omg i loved surgery..esp suturing...i specialised in plastics an ophthalmology.i miss it an my co workers so much..now im nothing.


You my feel like nothing but you are something. I feel the same way most of the time. I cant do much but watch TV and the internet.

This may sound strange to you but years ago I seen a football player take up crocheting to calm his nerves. So this past winter I tried it so I wouldnt go crazy all alone. I was alway good with my hands so it keeps me busy. If I lose some weight and get stronger I am thinking getting into some type of wood working.

By the way DDD is degeneritive disk desease.

Hi. This is my story. Born totally blind, not even light perception, I developed mental illness as a child, and later, several different pain conditions which rob me of life's simplest joys. I have no family, am isolated, and feel unloved. I wish there were androids or devices of that nature which could serve as a substitute for the companionship I cannot find. I am so lonely. The physical pain conditions I have contracted have left me unable to do the things I used to enjoy, and my mental illness has robbed me of the ability to adapt. So I take my pain meds and wonder what the heck I'm still doing alive. What am I doing besides killing time?

Hi, i know this is quite an old post and i don't know if i will get any response but i stumbled across this by total accident. I am not disabled in any way however i am in my first year of my degree course in which i am studying special educational needs and disability. i am currently doing research for a presentation in which i am talking about how as a society we can support and encourage the voices of people who have disabilities of any kind. I would love to speak to any of you regarding how you think society could help support you and help you find your voices.

i hope my posting this doesn't offend anyone.

Try google for Califnia for disability Right and join them. Or go to AAPD.org for national updates.

i used to love to camp...btw why does everyone tell me to go to church..even my social worker pushes that on me.dont get it but you all most likely no better than i.,ok ill try yall won this one ill let yay know...i could us a phone call to talk to someone.ladys es..geovanny angelillo..muah.

hey no problemo,nothing at point coud ever ever bother me.i have learned to be socially num esp trying to get a date with a f we male...its like having th plaig and everything else.im told daily im a great loogin italian man but when it comes to a real true lady i suck guess depressed ind just want to die o yes and now damn it..there is A reason for this god says and i want to shake his hand and break every bone in it and wish him a merry christmas.am i bitter what the ..ck do you think.ya know i try to get out of my apartment all day i i can and go to the store to just watch people and life around me..funny if you really look around you close.how many ways can you spell stupid..Any hoo guess im done for now...dont want to make an *** of myself any deeper..thanks all for letting me vent...daniel geovanny angelillo new port richey florida..727-400-2677

WOW, there are a lot of people on EP that unstand you and know of the stuggles you go through. Join organiztions on the internate, go to church and meet people in local politics. Get out and live is the motto of HTC,handycap travel club. I do not camp anymore but I do socialize a lot.

I am now 40, I was disabled when younger, so life sort of stops then, I still feel frozen in that body. Active musclier and handsome young man in collage pursuing his dream with passion. People have moved away, friends graduated and got lost in the shuffle. I was so driven to do my best, well being a foster kid, you must pick your battles, and mine was to work as hard as I could to find stability and put down roots; after I worked my way thru all this stuff, and set up shop, I would be able to start enjoying life. I learned, looking back, my journey was filled with so many small, dense destinations, I am glad I was the person I was. Being alone and in solitude, I don't get to know the real me now. We are who are not by our words, but by how we treat others, how we interact with the people around us. My mind on some of the medications I was on made me detach from the people I loved the most: after hearing how I acted, what I said to who, and not knowing it! I wrote and called, don't see me like this! This is no longer me. Chronic pain is best dealt with alone. But God how lonely it can be. LLJ

I just noticed the dates on these messages. OOPS!

Oh well, just post Sept 28 2014= Nov 2013, somebody 'll fix it soon.

I am also disabled and lonely; so there are many of us out here. I have had so many things go wrong in my life, I feel like Job sometimes. I live alone and I can't get out much as it is so exhausting. My family all live elsewhere, and they don't really understand what it's like, not being able to get up and walk across the room. Anyway, even though Yoreg seems not to have returned, I am glad to see there are continued posts here!

Hi DebLiz2 and everyone else who posted...
I've been a left leg amputee for over 30 years, using crutches or a wheelchair to get around. Since everyone's disability is different we all have our own unique abilities and limitations. What got me through the last 30 years..marriage, caregiving other relatives, career and my dear husband's recent death is focusing on what I can do and doing it until it becomes an artform! <g> I am totally alone in this world now with the exception of one dear friend. But you can never expect one person to be everything to you. It doesn't work that way. Sure there are acquaintances and some relatives but as you all know, few people want to get involved except when it's convenient for them. So whenever I feel like the last person on earth I draw on my faith, my past experience, reading and becoming knowledgeable as much as I can to get what I need and give what I can. Don't blame the world; there's no payoff in it. Don't underestimate yourself; you have something to contribute. Above all don't judge yourself by other people's standards. You are unique, beautiful and valuable. If you really feel very depressed, pick up that phone and call a help line, a health care professional - just do something. Don't give in. One small action can make all the difference. God bless you.


hey deb.... talk to me..dan florida..want to beach near by so close. my phones changing today.long story..new apartment.they screwef up wrong apt with wrong address.brain surgery for a mouse guess.rhis was great for me tonite this am..yall take care know..chow dan angelillo

call me im so sorry and kind of understand in a different way.il make this very quick caus in already tearing up just tninking about i im sorry.i lost two of daddys girls i three years the devorced now dissabled...im cryingy
now..damn it.

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You can talk to me. I'll encourage you.

Hey, man, you're not alone, I too am severely disabled and suffer in silence of loneliness and dreaming of a social life. I do have people around me because I require twenty-four hour care, but I don't have a buddy to hang with. My care needs are such that I don't have time to just leave the house on a whim, I need to prepare in advance. Sometime I feel I should not make friends because of my condition of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and being the oldest surviving person with the disease in BC. I am 45, and am palliative, only because they don't know what else they can do with me. So the dream of friendship eludes us both I am afraid.

hey how are you? I have the same disability you have. where do you live? got a number?

I am disabled and I have the same problems that most are having. anyway, can someone please give me some advice on good areas cities and states that have good services for disabled people. also a low crime area

hate to stick my nose and give annoying advice but if You research raw food /or any desease and ms food testimonials there is a plenty of people who are able to live symptomps free and have a good energy levels while leaving on live food .....I have lyme and I love raw food lifestyle and I m noticing big health improvement while jucing and eating raw food full of enzymes and nutrients,
check also leonard Coldwell,allelujah diet
please look into it ..You may be able to improve energy levels/mood etc and live more interesting life .....
do not rely on doctors that much find Your own cure
it is in their interest to keep people coming back.....I know it sounds strange but U may want to read about it
good luck
happiness is a choice ...choose to be happy

I don\'t think your advice is at all annoying!

good ....D:...

some ppl just don't like to hear that good health is a hard work .....!!!!!!!!! D:
just give me that pill ...

I have chronic leg pain fibromyalgia poor vision only go shopping and only talk to shop workers. I feel useless unloved and have no life.I am male 55 years old,

awww .......

Yoreg, I see this story was posted in 2007, but there are no recent comments from you. I hope you are ok. Reading your story has meant a lot to me, as it expresses so well the experience many disabled people go through.

I find myself in the same situation. I feel as if no one really cares if I am alive and no one even checks on a daily basis to see if I am Ok. I would give anything just to have a friend to talk to and who would be real. I have been hurt so many times by people who pretend to be and then abandon me. Some use me to make themselves feel good about themselves for a while, not thinking about my fragile feelings. I am now to the point I don't want to take the chance again. I have 3 cats who keep me alive. If I want to talk to any family members I have to do the calling. This makes me feel as if we would have no contact otherwise. I have 7 brothers and sisters who have their own lives and have no clue to what is going on with me. I am disabled, depressed, and extremely lonely. I am in a huge percentile of people who decide to leave this world. No matter how many times I reach out to them they do not take it seriously. I go to a therapist who really does not understand the depth of how I feel. if only I had one person who I was a priority for even for a few minutes a day. That person does not exist. I am at the mercy of people who don't care but I need them to help me with my housework. I have to put up with so much disrespect for my personal space and my feelings just so I can have clean laundry and the trash taken out. I don't think I belong here.

Very well expressed Izabella. I feel the same. The way disabled people are treated in this world is shameful and disgusting.

Im hoeboud an disabled I have nno friends an I av a hole in my hart for a friend to fil with talk the pain an all we go trough .well im nervouse scared an this s a first for me im here

Looks like there are a lot of us out there. My family don't call me either and I have not had a friend, real friend in years. A neighbor use to give me a hand but it was so she could borrow money from me. I have had to put up with a lot just to get my trash taken out. Where I live now I can at least take my own trash out. I pay a neighbor to move the trash can to the road every week. My only visitors are the mailman, UPS, and Fedex. LOL I'm expecting UPS any minute now. Oh I better check my makeup. Seriously I think people...people who are normal that is, are afraid to get too close. I use a wheelchair and I think it scares them.

cats r just the best !!!!....my cats keep me in check all the time.....lol....

when I'm sad they start doing all sorts of tricks ........

..also we go out for walks ,they really behave like dogs .....not sure why......they were all wild feral turned domestic........

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I wish i could have your faith. but i find going to church is helpful and helping others keeps my mind off my problems.

Pets are great they always give us lots of love. I recently can't enjoy shopping anymore. i use to be able to shop one place sit down for lunch and then maybe do one more store. Now I'm getting so I'm afraid to go out not sure If I will have the energy to get home. Biggest problem is I am one of the caregivers for my mom and Dad. They live 1 1/2 hours away and driving there is impossible. My leg pain goes through the roof, and then I just pray I can get home. I'm sorry about your friends? you dont need people like that, they are useers. I also find it very difficult to find friends that are not just takers. Somehow I don't attract people who arent takers.

I know exactly what you mean Downhill. I am very giving, and jsut attract the takers who use me for a while and then abandon ship.

I know the feeling. I have been disabled all my life. I was married for eight years and lived with one woman for almost five years. My (ex)wife was terribly ignorant. My (ex)fiance, was terribly abusive I keep looking for things to cheer me up. The only time I am happy, is when I am riding my bike.

keep riding your bike, no advice for partners its all a mystery to me.

why do we need others to make us happy ??.....screw them.....!

love motorcycles afraid to ride one thought......D:

Life has put you on such a big challenge. It's a post from 2007. I hope you've found friends, love and satisfaction from life

Just keep hoping you will make the friend(s) you are looking for. There are lots of good people in this world. Best wishes.

Sounds just like me. I have Ms, and live alone with my cat. I feel your pain. God bless

Dee, it is terrible that there are so many people going through this emotional pain just because of an illness or disability. I wish you luck.

I am so sorry, I also have become all but home bound and know your pain, I have started mental health and it has helped so much. They have day treatment centers all over the country, Please try to find one in your area even thou the pain doesn't ever go away it is eased by fellowship with others that understand because they too are going through similar. good luck and may God bless

i am homebound due to frail health and financial constraint. so you can say i am also disabled in so many ways. surviving cancer for 12 years, i can't even attend a support group regularly. through these years, i also learned that people can be judgmental of others and this can cause more angst to someone like me.<br />
<br />
so, i live in my little flat with my adoring dog and cat. no matter how i wish to be interactive, not easy these days to find your like others. <br />
<br />
i feel for you and consider me a sympathetic friend.

God has a good plan for you. I would welcome your friendship. I am mentally disabled and know what it is to be lonely. Hang in there!!! Are there any support groups you could go to in your area? They really helped me and I made lots of friends!!! God richly bless you! Happy Holidays!:)

I have a mental disability and was rejected by my family. I suffered the stigma of society and found myself so alone I wanted to die. I cried out to God to rescue me and long story short He brought me to a new city and I met a wonderful man who loves me for who I am. I don't have much, but I do have a God who loves me and one other person. It seemed so hopeless for so long, but God loved me the whole time and He loves you. He has a good plan for your life. Don't give up. I am praying for you. Something good is just around the corner. One thing that helped me is finding people worse off than me and reaching out. I write to prisoners on Death Row. If you like to try it just look up " prison pen pals" on the internet and there are many sites with prisoner's profiles and addresses. They need a friend and they send their poetry and artwork. Another thing that helped me is support groups.I found a support group for people with my same problem and made lots of friends who understand. You are a valuable person who deserves to be loved and to be happy. I would welcome your friendship.:):)

Siberia7, I really like what you have to say, I am physically and mentally disabled, which has really limited what I can do. I am in constant pain, fatigue, need to be near restroom at all times, have very little physical power and hard time writing, typing or thinking. I use word substitution all the time without knowing it, that keeps me from talking much with others. It was wierd to lose my typing skills, now I have to think and what which keys I hit, then correct, correct. My friends have slowly disappeared, my husband ignores me and has taken weekend non-paid work for some reason. I don't complain about pain or much. But for what you said about God having a plan for us, one day I was feeling sorry for myself for not having a relationship with anyone, (hubby) and God seemed to say, "that's how I feel about you, I want that kind of relationship with you" Wow, changed my whole way of thinking. Now if depression or feeling sorry for myself, I instant think of what God said, get out my bible or just start talking to God and the depression is gone and life is better. Thanks

this is fantastic....You' ve never lost hope...You just knew that You r going to meet someone who loves You dearly ...also You do something for others ......not waiting if others will do something for You...............that's great.......!!!!!!

at first do not apologize for how you feel. There are alot of friendlyheartless people in the whole world. Will do for you today and do YOU in tomorrow. I will say we all want to be excepted in the world and not classified with a certain disabillity. I found people with no dissabilities look at themselves as "NORMAL" but they themselves are dissablle in someways. Try and see you are for you and who are just there when they want to use you. Becarefull when people make promises when they need something from you. The old pillow tolk betwwen a man and a woman and when the woman think when she bind the relationship by giving or sharing in the feelings of so called love ,than the man move on to the next. Promises brings you nowhere. What i try to say is when people want something from you they can say : you can call me anytime . they allready tell you YOU must call,now they do not fall in anymore.

Talk to me, do you have Facebook or MSN? Tell me by PM.<br />
I don't have anything I need from you. Plus I'm on the opposite hemisphere.<br />
If there would be anything you could give me, it's your friendship and valuable experiences on life a young one like me could learn from.

isn't that just great with internet .!!!!!!!!!!!

..all of a sudden You have 50 nice ppl to talked to ....lol

think there is love out there some place just do not know where any more when i was younger i had lots of hope<br />
today just doing time on the world till death cmes for me i guess<br />
<br />
had one love maybe that is all we get i do not know or maybe i have just never got over her death at such a young age<br />
<br />
her mother and grandparents greates fear was what would happen to her then we saw each other the there first day of 7 th grade when i was ask tobe there escort for a few days<br />
and she was one of the very rare people god must have hated for some reason or maybe he thought it was funny to giver her both sets of body parts but yet no set then allow a docotr to make the choice for her<br />
but we were married ag 13 and loved each other verymuch till her death at age 19

Yoreg, we are waiting for your response, Hello??????????<br />
We are listening to you.

you wrote this a few years ago- has anything changed for you?

i was born with a limb deformity of my arm, and have really bad body image issues, i wont wear tshirts in summer etc and since my last longterm relationship am finding it hard to find someone who accepts me for me.... i often get to know girls but they often back off when they find out about my disability, i guess its not always obvious to them, i mean its hard to introduce yourself and say yeah btw i have a disability... not the best ice breaker esp in todays image conscious society. I am however a believer in fate and think that there is someone out there for everyone we just havent found them yet and need to get out more (out of our comfort zone) at times and make it happen. i miss cuddles more than anything and would love to meet someone special but they aint knocking on my door.... good luck guys an keep smiling, i feel ya ;)

it will happen!!!!!!!never loose faith !!...
universe listens.......
...join www.disabledpassion.com /its free dating side/ there are many folks there who deals with things like that ....beautiful girls ........

not that I consider You disabled .........just saying this is a nice free dating website,they also have coffeepassions,travel passionshealth passions,veggeterian passions,You name it connected to it....

Yes, my social life is very difficult. I am physically disabled from a car accident, People don't understand the difficulties, I have had one date in my entire life and that was because I got fed up and stopped posting on dating sites that I was physically disabled just so I would have females to talk to. I am so lonely, I haven't even had a hug (that wasn't just friendly) from a girl in over ten years. I really don't know what to do anymore.

Howdy there, I know how you feel, now i get judge bad cause folks see me as in this image, but they or no one knows the pain i am in when i try to go out and my folks who dont seem to be close anymore, but force myself to show for food and i have a medical cat who i would die for and put 1st rather than blood. he has been there for me when in tears and when i use to try to take my life, he will come to me when he hears me cry at night or day, he really knows when to come and purr and make me lay down and hold him. he does calm me down and want to stay alive for him, my FEARS is if when he does pass, i will ttake my own life and i am not afraid to pull a trigger. so use to them in the past, but its not about that. THE MAIN ISSUE is being LONELY for a Soul Mate. I came ill back in 1993, turn 21 it was october. I was in sports, boxing 4 years went simi pro, then rodeo and went pro did football in middle and in high. then bam ill at 21. I did not get to enjoy my youth, this will be 19 years now and never been married nor children. had to move to another far far state to get somewhat fix, i have been in hell and out and now feel back in hell. my folks dont even come by to spend time, if one does come, no more then 15minutes. I am in oregon, one of the worst place to be disabled, folks here is a bit rude and dont want to do with anyone who is DISABLED . Since i am on strong pain meds,cant drive damn oregon. i got off a lot of meds, but to not to be held, kiss, loved or make love, IT WILL DRIVE A GOOD MAN DOWN IN THE DIRT. Thats a fact and i feel your pain. i try to dress nice and uphold the cowboy code, but then over the years and time alone, it can make a person mad and then a fire will burn deep within your heart and or soul or anger, mostly at ourself. then we take it out on others, if there is, and if not then most men end up dead in bed or in jail for life or feel like your being chain to a shor short chain by the damn state cause your being a rebel and not even these damn PhD's think they know everything, but i just or hope to see those who judge me and turn back at them of their love on and then they shall see the horror of how they love one is tore up. and they will give up on them i due time. I dont have any good answers cause I too am still alone and i too have not been huge or really kissed by someone who is into me for love, heck even if i had to pay for it, i would but this nation does not allow this. at times i wish this place can be like canada or uk where it is legal, at least you can feel like a man or woman as well if she is just as bad off. i sure i am going to get some bad feed back on this, but i am only speaking to the gent to let him know, your not alone out there Lone Wolf with what your feeling, cause I am feeling the same so i am just waiting for that damn mr death to come on in and just do the damn thing to me, but then, i wantt o be with my son (my cat) then when he goes, im gone, f this world.. well if you like to chat more, you can. i dont want to say hang in there or crap like that cause i ahte it when i get told this. so i am here to hear ya man.

why You will not pack Your stuff and move to Florida ?,,,
also seriously if You would switch to Allelujah diet /its a raw food diet/ Your pain/inflammation would improve million times ..read their testimonials...they have ppl with ms running marathons now........
You are young man ...don't throw Your life away like that .......!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes our cats keep us in check ...don't they? ...they just angels in a fur coats ....D:D:....

Why you just go out with friends and have a laugh? Girls like to look for happy people in the pubs and clubs :)

awwww...I'm sending You a virtual hug !!!!D:

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I found joining five organizations keep extremely busy. Today I serve many organizations, including people with disabilities. At your age, you should already being involved with groups, or are you waiting to be served.

You are so right !

just read your story and hope things are going better for you. sorry about your troubles! i am not quite in your situation but if you ever need someone to talk to, give me a buzz.

I dont have time to finish your entry today, but will do so tomorrow. You sound like a fantastic person with a lot to offer.