I Wish I Know Why.......

everytime i come back from home its the most obvious feeling i have......a vaccume!! but this time i had felt this strange empatiness even when i was at home among family and people i love..!! sometime it feels like i am just a waste of space in this world not knowing what i want.........never been happy and never will be happy. when i look around i find i am out of place.....whatever i do i cann't make myself understood by people who matters to me. and their disapproval...their judgement hurts something deep down. i don't know what i want from life from people....from destiny...!!!
sumtime i am forced to think about this simple question why this restlessness..........???
i have never been actually happy ever......mostly u can say i have lived all my life in a confused delima......not knowing what to expect...and what to feel gud abt life..!!
every happiness is a recpice for saddness........when i am here i miss home.....when i m at home i miss my work....the silence and the stillness!!
evertime i leave home i feel like i m leaving my soul behind.....but now it seems like i have nothing to leave anywhere.........i am just empty from inside.......!!
in the confused haze of my thoughts i really don't know wht people expect from me.......wht shud i do to please them.......???
i am unhappy and a strange saddness keep me pulling deeper then anything.......
i feel tired...........completely lost at energy.........
i don't even deny what other thinks of me........letting them have the comfort of criticism becoz i honestly have no idea......how to make everyone believe......that i want to live and put up a fight.......
i wish to know why i just drown in the silence and cut them out...........more then anything i am willing to talk......
but i guess its all as useless as anything else.............everyone around me is determine enough to believe i don't care for them........and nothing wud change it...
it hurts me.....becoz i am not able to bridge the gulf between myself and others..........
i feel drained and on the verge of defeat.........
its always sad when people u love start losing hope in u................!!!
someday i have all the reasons to blame myself....sumday it sounds so true when they say i m incapable of love.........
it hurts but its true all the same......
i wish i know how to change it........