I Want To...

So I'm intoxicated in my kitchen listening to the same song on repeat.

Three years ago today my best friend died of the swine flu. [supposedly] ¬¬

and it got me thinking.. about him.. our lives.. our conversations.. our plans of our future.. and where I find myself now.

I love my children. but this wasn't on my ****** list. Washin dishes as a housewife .. 'bout to go through a divorce.. with so much uncertainty ahead. 

We were supposed to be great. The both of us. Do something meaningful with our lives. How the **** did I get here? So unfulfilled and wasted. 

I wanted to help the hungry..the thirsty.. the needy.. the poor.. the sick.. the oppressed.. the suffering. I have such a passion for it.

and here I am .. washing dishes.. cleaning counters... stressin over laundry.. in this fragile traumatized state of mind. 

I used to be such an extrovert. So social and carefree and determined to make a difference..

I want to break out of this.

I owe him that much. I can't let my life ... this valuable time .. to go to nothing.. 
Cosreal Cosreal
31-35, F
Sep 25, 2012