My Wife Disciplines Me and Sets Strict Standards For Me

My wife Michelle and I have been married for about 20 years.  We are very main stream, have 3 children, a house in suburbia and very ordinary jobs in the legal profession.  In the beginning we had a very traditional marriage, reasonably equal, though I felt that the husband should be the 51% partner and make the decisions if there were a disagreement.  We had a male-dominated rrelationship, but not without the frequernt friction that most upper middle class couples have resolving differences of opinion.

Several years ago we had major arguments over how best to raise one of our kids who was off the deep end and constantly in trouble.  I felt more indulgence and love would be the right route and Michelle felt that strict limits and consequences for breaking the rules was the route to go.  Michelle said that I, in fact, was very difficult and undiciplined because I had no tough limits set for me when I wass growing up and if I had I would be much better for it.  She felt our daughter's downfall was significantly caused by my indulgence and lax rule setting.  We agreed to disagree and this caused chaos, almost divorce.  Finally, we agreed to seek professional counselling to help resolve the disagreeemt, I feeling that I would be surely vindicated and my wife would finally be exposed as the harsh witch that I saw in her, ways which I saw as causing our daughter's behavior issues.

Afterr several months of therapy with the preeminent family therapist in our city, we were clearly told that my wife was right, that firm limits were what our daughter needed to turn her out of control life around, and in fact, that my laissez faire approach was devastating to the whole family.  "In fact," the theraapist said, "your wife sets very reasonable limits and her approach to imposing firm consequences, including spankings for violations, was very appropriate and should be uniformly administered to everyone in the family in order to create a mutually respectful and harminious family experience."  Finally, the therapist noted that my background was so devoid of limit-setting that I was totally unable to set limits and should leave that entiurely up to Michelle until I had learned how to master that talent.  She said that the only way I could be retrained was to have limts set and enforced on me regularly, just like the children, and that the process could take longer for me than for children due tgo my age and how long I had existed without appreciating limits.

For the benefit of our daughter, I agreed to let my wife make the discipline decisions in the house.  After a couple of months, things at home improved dramatically.  Michelle set very c lear and firm limits and rules for our dfaughter and all the kids, and enforced the rules without exception and immediateky when any child disobeyed.  She bought a larege wooden paddle, a leather strap, and a rattan cane and used them whenever she felt they were needed.  At first there were a lot of recriminations and screaming and rebellion by the kids, but after several months the house calmed down considerably, there was order instead of chaos and even our difficult daughter started to behave civilly and excel at school.  At first the kids would come to me to reverse their punishments, but I had to meekly explain that while I did not always agree with their mom, I couldn't do anything about it.

A few months into the new program, Michelle told me that my failure to enthusiastically back her up undermined her authority, and that starting that day, she would be setting limits for me, establsuihing rules for me and enfocing thjem in the same manner as she did with the kids in order to reverse 40+ years of my lack of limits.  I told her that was not acceptable, and she suggested that we return to the therapiost.  We did and the therapist said that my lack of comfort with limits was threatening to ruin my family and that I should follow Michelle's direction and learn, even at my age, to respect limits.

Upon returning home, Michelle secured my agreement thAT  for the sake of the marriage and family I would obey her rules and submit to her discipline.  Since thast time, my life has changed for the better and our family is now cohesive, well behaved, polite and respectful and all of us -- even me -- are more productive and successuyl at school ans work.

Michelle soon established a routine for me to help reinforce these chractater building traits.  If I disobey any of Michelle's rules, she will note it at the time, and as soon as possible thereafter she will take me into our bedroom and instruct me to  prepare for my discipline, which means I am to lean over the chair back or if she instructs, spread my legs and assume the position of leaning against the dresser ior wall n front of the mirror so that I can lift my head and see in the mirror exactly what she is doing.  She will go into her armoire and take out whatever implement she deems appropriaate,  leather paddle for minor offenses to a heavy wooden paddle with holes drilled into it for more serious offenses, or a vinyl or rattan cane for repeated disobedience; she then asnnounces how many times she will whip me ans asks me to tell her in detail what I did wrong and how I will change my behavior in the future and wther I understnad that she will be harsher on me if I repeat this disobedience of her rule again.  Sometimes, it is as few as 10 or 15 swats, and sometimes when she is really angry at me, as many as 50 or more.  She then asks me if I understand what I did wrong and if I understood and agreed that I was always to obey her rule promptly, without question and willingly.  If not, she may add a multiplier to what she ordered.  Then she will very deliberately, very hard and methodivcally administer the punishment, while I call out loud the number of each stroke.  If the pain is too great and I start crying -- which will not reduce the punishment at all -- and therefore miss a count, she will only credit me with the actual number I call out, so I might get more than she ordered if I fail to keep the count accurate.

I now obey regularly and feel so much calmer and in control of my life.   I am more successful at work, help around the house equally with the others, support my wife's dsiciplining of the kids, who are now all very well-behaved, emotionally strong, very warm and supportive of one another.  Michelle has assigned everyone, including me, specific chores, which leaves more time for all of us to spend togeher as a family.  Everyne naturally helps out around the house all the time, without being asked, keep their rooms neat and tidy, excel at school, and are very respectful of both parents and all adults.

I am a much more helpful family member, am very respectful of my wife, do all of my chores willingly and with great pride and gladly follow my wife's rules and directions.  Our life is a hundred times better, our children are happy and well-adjusted, and have told both of us how much better life has been since Michelle established predictable guiidelines and expectations for everyone.  I feel the same way.

While at first, I was embarrased to submit to my wife's control, I now know it is best for all and is the right way of conducting a healthy family life and marital life.  We enjoy each other's company and companionship, have a healthy and frequent sex life and a loving and harmonious home life.  We all accept that Michelle is very much the "boss," but she does so with grace, fairness and sensitivity, as well as firmness.

As for me, Michelle and I agree that I am much better at respecting and recognizing limits but will never be able to match Michelle's natural talent in this area, and therefore that Michelle will always be the head of the household and the one who sets and enforces the limts for the benefit of all of us.

Every Thursday night, I must shower and come to bed naked, assuming the position over the chair or leaning against the wall with my palms raised above my head flat on the wall in front of the mirror, so that Michelle can administer 50 hard lashes with the implement of her choice, even though I have done nothing to deserve punishment.  This, she says, is to enforce and remind me that she is the leader of our family, and that I fully understand and accept that she sets the rules and enforces them and that I will always willingly submit to her rules and punishments even if I think they are unfair or too harsh.  It is, essentially, my weekly reminder of Michelle's authority over me and her total right to discipline me however and whenever she sees fit and my willinness to submit to her com[letely.  Knowing how much Michelle has made our household and family a healthy and happy and joyous place after many years of chaos makes the soreness on my read end and the welts that lasst for several days after Thursday nights well worth the fleeting agony, and I look forward to many decades of happiness under Michelle's supportive and strong guidance.

While I used to be embarrassed by my submission to Michelle, so many of our friends and neighbors have been impressed with the dramatic turnaround in our family life, that now Michelle and I freely share our formula for success and most of our neighbors and fellow memberrs of the church know all about our story.  Whlle many of the men snicker about it, more and more families seek Michelle's counsel on how to bring order and discipline to their homes, and over the last year, you would be surprised at how many times Michelle has given to other gamilies the address and web-site of the places from which she buys her paddles, straps and canes.

While perhaps this seems rather unusual to some, the fact is that women tend to be more self-disciolined because of the historically male-dominated society in which we were raised and the number of male "princes" that have been wrongfully permitted to run undisciplined to the detriment of all.  This system works for us and increasingly it seems for others in our community, and would probably be a good model for many.

I love, as well as respect, Michelle more now than ever, and hope that ourt lifestyle continues like this for another four decades.







michelledeverett michelledeverett
19 Responses Feb 22, 2009

This too me is what it is really like in a female led marriage. The internet is filled with many unrealistic stories or pictures of women dominating men but my wife has spanked me regularly during our 20 year marriage and been in charge. Her focus is not kink in the bedroom but that my behavior is acceptable and that I take care of myself and do the lion share of the chores around the house will she makes all the decisions for us, the family and for me especially with respect to the finances.

I am shy to ask my wife to dicipline me, so looking forward for a mistress to punish me for my sins on a weekly basis. Severe caning is necessory to keep me in shape every week.

It is quite likely your wife would much rather discipline you than have you deceitfully sneaking about with a mistress.

Man up and tell her. You don't have to be detailed about it, that can come later, just get the ball rolling by telling her you're turned on by the idea of her spanking you and asking if she'd like to give it a try. If she flat-out rejects you at least you can feel a bit better about having given her a chance.

Your alternative of doing something she will probably view as a betrayal without ever communicating your needs to her just because you are "shy" sounds pretty cowardly.

sometimes that is what a man needs to be spank by his wife<br />
an then routine spanking also<br />
she did right by taken over discipline wiht the kids an with you also

that is the wy itshould be wife in charge<br />
it is nice that she can adjust an take the paddle cane strap to the kids as needed an im sure your kids did need it well<br />
it is good that you get your fair share of the punishment also an its nice that your wife embrass you as to letting the priest an friends know that she makes sure your bottom an the kids bottoms are well makred<br />
im sure that your kids know that you are given the same punishment as they recieved wich im sure makes it more happy family

I thick you are a very lucky man to have a wife like that. she should write a book.

I totally agree with Becky: this is all adult stuff. Any arrangement has to be consensual at least in principle and only adults are able to give their consent. Otherwise it's just child abuse and wife (or husband) battering.

Hi michelledeverett. Your story is entertaining but, to be honest, I find it very hard to believe that a professional family therapist would recommend spanking. I think your story is made up but, as I said, it's a piece of enjoyable fiction.<br />
<br />
PS. Why do you write under your "wife's" name?

Wife disciplinig husband that's all very well, in fact a condition for a harmonious relationship. But please: leave the kids outof it and never mete outr corporal punishment of them.

I don't know if this story is real or pretend. The therapist is lsike nothing I have ever heard of. Usually they all for letting ther rules go and the children get wawy with blue murder - they are expressing themselves and exploring thier limits garbage. But Rules need to be made and strict boundaries set for husbands as well as children.<br />
<br />
Punishments I will leave uop to Mother. You see We have been raised to bring-up, raise and control others - by Our own Mothers. Children and males are mostly under the control of their Mothers for learning and discipline and emotional rearing. It is a bit hard to send them out into marriage - YES- wih a Woman and expect him to be the head of the household. <br />
<br />
Firm discipline (Iam not talking thrashings but discipline) should start from the time they are born. Not impose it on them after 10 or 12 years. All very confusing for children. Really late starters Y/you two. That is, if this is a story of fact.<br />
<br />
Get your Wife to write to me please.

Well that's fair enough! Can you give us some more detail please? What is appropriate for the children? How old are they? Do you all know what the limits set for the others as well as yourself are? Do the children tell your wife if they think you have broken one of her rules?<br />

We still feel that this is a private matter between my wife and me. Most matters between a husband and a wife are private and not for public consumption. The children know who makes the rules as to them and to the house generally and my wife enforces the rules differently for each person (including but not limited to me), depending on their age, attitude, compliance, etc. and how she believes it is best to discipline and set limits for each person in the family.

Back in July , i explained why i thought your children should know the reality of your wife punishing you. i had hoped for a response but not to worry. What is the situation now please sir?<br />

Your stroy is terrific. In my house, my wife is certainly the boss. It has actually always been that way. This is both inside and outside the bedroom. I too am spanked, when she beleives I need it, and those spanking have zero to do with sex. They have to do with my behavoir and how to make it better. Our situation creates true harmony in our house and while I talk to my wife about major decisions, whe makes the final call. Or else....Believe me..It works...

My wife first put me over her knee on our wedding night and hasn't stopped spanking me yet. For us it is sexual but it also enforces who wears to pants and who doesn't in our house.

Because i think it vital that they understand that your wife is not just the smarter one, best able to make decisions (though she is!) but also the disciplinarian of the whole family. They could probably fell resentful if their mother puishes them for things that you seem not to be punished for. fter all, it's the truth that she disciplines you. Always tell the truth<br />

Because i think it vital that they understand that your wife is not just the smarter one, best able to make decisions (though she is!) but also the disciplinarian of the whole family. They could probably fell resentful if their mother puishes them for things that you seem not to be punished for. fter all, it's the truth that she disciplines you. Always tell the truth<br />

Steven, i am not sure it our children know. We dit not tell them that i am being spanked. We do the spanking when we are alone. Why do you feel that they ought to know?

i think this is an awe inspiring sory. One thing i am not clear about: do your children know that your wife disciplines you? Obviously, they know that she is the Head of the Household but what about the punishments? Thye ought to know really.<br />

You lucky so and so..!!! Give Michelle a hug from me. My wife sorts my bud out with a single tale whip or a riding crop depending on the situation. I normaly gets 24 - 30 lashes. It calms me and it stimulate me. Our sex live is so much better. I wish that she would spank me even more times or on spesific day like your wife. It is so nice to look (and feel) at the purple welts on my bud in the<br />
mirror and to relive the whole spanking again! Happy spanking.