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Its Really Sad

we used to laugh and talk for hours. now i have to watch what i say. we could be laughing and talking and all of a sudden he takes something i said or a facial expression so seriously. he is constantly thinking that i am trying to insult him or play him. I have no reason to do this. i love this man. he is much more of a smart *** than me. always saying crude comments i guess that is why he always thinks i am doing the same. it is just very draining to always have to appologize when no harm was ever meant. how did i get to be such a bad guy!!!

goldie25 goldie25 31-35, F 11 Responses May 29, 2008

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Keep your head up sweetie I hope everything is going better for you :)<br />
<br />
Katt

i think i am officially done trying.

so what are you saying mikey, the whole bettering yourself to get their attention is pointless too. if its not working its just not working right. No ifs, ands or buts about it?

that makes a lot of sense.

According to the websites, if you want it to work, one idea is to do what they call the 180.... whatever you are doing, you reverse course and become the person you were when you first fell in love...it involves eating a lot of crow, ignoring the bad things and focus on good things. If he is drifting away, you have to get his attention by bettering yourself, and make him come to you....not because you are yelling at him, but come back to you because he wants you.

how do you get back there? most people say when its gone its gone or maybe it was just a mirage to begin with.

Two websites I recommend.....they helped me through my divorce and had I found them earlier, I believe it would have saved my marriage.<br />
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Divorcebusting.com and marriagebuilders.com<br />
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It is all about taking care of yourself. Look at yourself and consider what things you need to improve...whether it is your appearance your habits your attitude, whatever......each of us has a love bank for those close to us. When someone does something nice for us, it makes a deposit to our love bank. When someone ****** us off, it takes from the bank. Ideally the bank fills and overflows into love and intimacy...however a bank that is continually drained will eventually empty and that is exactly what the relationship will feel like.<br />
<br />
Is your relationship stress free?...of course it isn't....when you were first dating, was it stress free?.....It most certainly was...somehow you need to get back to that stress free relationship you had in the past, or you will only continue to split apart.

i understand the whole taking jokes seriously thing because i do that too at times. but i always try to remember who it is coming from. if my mother or my sister or even my supposed husband jokes with me i try to remember not to take it too personally because if they really hated me or thought i was that horrible they would not be married to me or whatever. i just feel you are supposed to put things into perspective. Remember your mate and who you know them to be. I just feel more and more each day that he doesnt know who the hell i am. Its like how can he not tell when i am joking. how can he not tell when i am upset. how can he not tell when i am being honest. not only is he easily offended by me now, he also thinks i am a pathological liar. I dont know why. but what i do know is i am having a hell of a time trying to change his preceptions of me. And i fear i wont be able to.

Yep it does hurt...a lot....and now I am growing away from him and becoming close to other people just to keep my spirit alive.

and this is supposed to be the person you are closest too. it really hurts.

I totally relate to that being draining and having to watch what you say. My husband so often takes me seriously if I'm being silly.....or conversely just laughing at me when I'm trying to be serious, its worn me down now so much that I just keep quiet a lot of the time- we are not fun together any more.