Post

Greedy Uncle Broke My Heart!

Three months ago my father passed away at the age of 80.  I was his only child and my life with him had been very dysfunctional.  My mother abandoned me when I was 10 and my father, who was a depressed mentally ill alcoholic, raised me.  After I married and began raising a family of my own I made many promises to myself to break the chain and not make the mistakes my parents made.  However, feeling sorry for my dad and realizing that he was mentally ill, I did my best to try and keep him in my life and let him have a relationship with his three grandchildren.  When he first made out a will almost 20 years ago and then eventually a trust he informed my husband that he was the executor and that he was leaving everything to us.  He made no mention of his brother who is 16 years his junior, lives on the other coast, and he never had much of a relationship with. After my father passed away it came to light that five years ago he drastically changed his trust to read that his brother was to be the executor, receive his fully paid for house, property, and insurance policies and that I was to only receive $10,000.  My father's brother came into our life five years ago when my father tried to commit suicide while my son was hospitalized for 30 days.  My uncle volunteered to fly here to help me, because my plate was too full and to be quite honest, I was greatly relieved. My uncle is a Baptist minister so he wanted to try and save my dad's soul.  At that point my father stopped drinking, started taking antidepressants, and also started attending church.  My dad and I had a fairly decent relationship for a few years following that, but he stopped taking his antidepressants after a few years and his old behavioral problems started creeping back into our relationship.  Anyhow, neither my father nor my uncle ever discussed this change with me and I felt like an outsider when my father passed.  For 50 years I alone had dealt with my father's abusive manipulative behavior and my uncle only saw my dad occasionally over the past five years when he was sober and on antidepressants.  Fortunately, my dad didn't file the proper paperwork with regards to putting his CDs in his trust, so I was still listed as the beneficiary and there is some money for me to use for my children for college and paying off student loans, etc.   However, I am devasted by the fact that my uncle feels so entitled to everything else.  He has not showed me any sympathy regarding how devastating all this is for me.  There was some money in a checking account he couldn't get either because it wasn't in the trust and I was listed as beneficiary, so in my grief and confusion he guilted me into splitting it with him.  He kept telling me how the lawyer said he could take me to court but he didn't want to do that because I am family.  My father tried to hurt me from the grave and my uncle has never aknowledged that at all.  He sees it as an answer to his prayers because his retirement is meager.  My family has its crosses to bear too, my husband has MS and I just recently suffered a stress induced heart attack at the age of 49.  I have reason to believe he came out here last month to work on the house and he never once made an effort to contact me while he was here.  Now that the business end of my father's death has been taken care of I guess he doesn't feel a need to continue any kind of relationship with me.  He got what he wanted.  It seems to me that he opportunistically took advantage of my father when he was vulnerable following his suicide attempt.  My father loved and adored his grandchildren and I cannot believe that he wanted his brother to have everything and his grandchildren to have to split $10,000 three ways.  My husband's family and my friends have all been in shock and cannot believe how my uncle acts so entitled to everything.  It breaks my heart that my uncle has been so cold and spends his time rejoicing in his own gains!  Maybe God isn't answering his prayers, but testing him to see if he will do the right thing.  Well, he didn't do the right thing!
flamingogirl flamingogirl 46-50, F Nov 5, 2010

Your Response

Cancel