Don't Know What I Believe Anymore

For years now I have been intellectually active, and in all this time I have invested a great deal of energy in the world of ideas. All along I have held certain things to be basic and essential. I always believed in democracy, I was always politically left-wing and I always thought there was hope.

But now... Well, it must have started with my reading a book that egged me into Libertarianism. I was already on my way there, with my views on education, but suddenly I was no longer so left-wing, economically. Finally now, I believe that democracy or no democracy humanity is pretty much heading towards some pretty bad ****, and I don't believe anymore that there's much I can do to justify hope. I don't even know if I believe in democracy anymore. Worst of all, I don't seem to care about all of this that much. It's as if I just suddenly accepted the loss of my clear beliefs and that I'm okay with that.

Now, it may seem like this is just politics, and indeed, I'm still as unshakable on education as I always was, and I'm still developing a clear philosophy in the areas of metaphysics and cosmology (or whatever you want to call it; I'm not gonna get into it here), but there's this big whirlpool of disillusioned confusion where I once had clear ideas. This is not a very good feeling for me, though I must admit it excites me a little to so depart from my past beliefs.
pedestrian pedestrian
18-21, M
3 Responses Nov 9, 2006

Almost two years down the line I have gone through a lot, changed my mind many times, but have never given up.<br />
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Here's to stubbornness!

I try not to over-analyze things. It seems to me pretty much pointless to try and dig that deep into what's behind all that's happened. **** happens, end of story. We should try to concern ourselves with the more immediate issues at hand rather than trying to take apart our reality.<br />
(And yes, the above is the kind of thinking I have that hasn't really been hurt by this whirlpool of confusion.)

It's so refreshing and encouraging but also DIScouraging for me to read such an intellectual submission like this. On the one hand, it makes me feel like I'm not the only (intelligent) person whose feeling this way. On the other hand, I tend to believe (more and more) that this type of thought-pattern is the aftermath of the psychological attacks on us on 911. I think all the crap that's happened (Bush stealing the presidency, 911, Iraq, terrorist threats, etc.) has all been partially designed to get inside our heads like this and make us complacent. Maybe we should fight it???