Bad Parenting Doesn't Get Rewarded

My father lived in a very small apartment in a run down building in a terrible part of town. He had only one bed, a love seat, and a TV. The windows were covered by stained yellow fitted sheets. The range and kitchen sink didn't work, nor did the toilet which had to be flushed by a bucket of water being thrown into the bowl. The bathroom door had no door handle, just a gaping hole. He would never let me "flush" the toilet, even as I became a teenager. When he went in to do this after I finished using the toilet, he would comment about the color or my urine or feces, or chastise me for using too much toilet paper. I was never allowed in the refrigerator or in the kitchen. I was never allowed to do anything. If I wanted to leave the apartment to go play he would say "no, you're with me this weekend". He had custody of me every Wednesday and every weekend. We would spend the day on the sofa watching TV. I was not allowed to choose the channel, nor was I allowed to read or do anything other than watch TV and talk to him. My dad worked 7 days a week. He did his regular job during the weekday, and cleaned an office on weekend mornings. I would have to go with him to clean the office. If I wasn't sweeping or dusting correctly, he would chastise me, ripping the broom or rag from my hand and doing it himself. He also worked a third job stocking shelves in a grocery store. Since he had custody of me on Wednesdays, he would pick me up Tuesday night at about 1am after his grocery job. He would then drop me off at school at 5am and go to his main job. Then I would ride the bus to his apartment after school, and he would take me to my mom's house that evening. Since he did not cook, I ate fast food from the dollar menu for every meal when I was with him. Occasionally, we would go to the beach. He would bring a kayak that would be stuffed into the car, and I was only allowed to wear my swimsuit. He told me I had to leave my shirt, hat, and shoes at the apartment. As a result, I would get severe sunburns. When at the beach, I could not play in the surf or build sandcastles. I had to sit and watch him kayak. If I didn't, he would yell at me. I would then have to take a shower using the showers in the park. Never once was I allowed to shower in his apartment. When I was about 14, I told him I no longer wanted to share a bed with him, and that I wanted my own bed. He got extremely emotional, put me in a headlock and called me "a Nazi". My father was never abusive or physical outside the one headlock. But he was so extremely emotional about everything. Any kind of criticism or wanting to think differently from him was met with hours of ranting, followed by incessant crying and hugging. He had very deep emotional issues.

My mom's house was no better. Immediately after my parent's divorce when I was about 8, my mom moved in with another man who was an alcoholic with severe anger problems. They installed speakers into the walls throughout the house, and would blare heavy metal or country music as they drank and smoked marijuana. When my step-dad came home, he would immediately start drinking, slamming doors and fighting with my mom and me about anything and everything. The largest source of these confrontations were "chores". Because we lived on a sort of homestead with chickens, pigs, dogs, all kinds of birds and other animals, there was an endless litany of chores to be done. If they weren't done correctly, and they never were, the entire evening would be devoted to storming around the house yelling and screaming, and occasionally being subject to physical abuse. These animals were not kept for any business reasons. They were just pets.

My family never showed interest in my schoolwork. Because of the environment I grew up in, I received horrible grades. I had to get a GED and never went to college and never learned a skilled trade. My family never passed on any values. I have no political or religious identity, and am socially inept.

The decision to leave all of this behind on my eighteenth birthday nearly 10 years ago was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I continued having relations with my family for some time after this, but disowned my mom and step-dad about two years ago, and the rest of her side of the family about two weeks ago. I am now working on disowning my father's side of the family. I'm a loner who does menial jobs. But by completing the process of shutting my entire family out of my life and moving to another town with money I've saved, I hope to learn a trade, develop my social life, and move towards a brighter future.
mverobeach1 mverobeach1
26-30, M
Jan 20, 2013